🤢 Official Don’t Call me Shirley. No seriously. Please don't DM me and address it to Shirley. It's not the only way I can feel alive anymore.
Joined October 2007
- Tweets 6,457
- Following 192
- Followers 191
- Likes 105
385 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
31 Dec 2016
Hey there haters! Just wanted to let you know that I welcome your feedback and appreciate you keeping me on my toes.
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NOT Brian Holcomb (Satire) retweeted
3 Dec 2022
An FBI agent who was on trial for attempted murder in Montgomery County was found not guilty, and there are still many sales to take advantage of for the holidays. Here's the News4 Rundown: nbc4dc.com/ecIBbmm
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2 Dec 2022
I have intrusive thoughts in the form of terrible jokes.
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1 Dec 2022
We need to shut down letting recently divorced men online until we can figure out what's going on.
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NOT Brian Holcomb (Satire) retweeted
29 Nov 2022
Many of you sent me that spectacular AI art of "Jodorowsky's TRON." I felt inspired to take a stab at the concept with some other properties. Step into a dark portrait of the human psyche in...
Jodorowsky's FRASIER
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NOT Brian Holcomb (Satire) retweeted
24 Nov 2022
The fact the CBS crew on the Thanksgiving parade don’t know Bluey is a girl. Don’t disrespect the goat like that.
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22 Nov 2022
unless forced to by the FTC or something, twitter can read DMs even after both sides delete the messages. It’s possible they are deleted from the database but at the very least I bet it’s only after some time period.
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21 Nov 2022
For me twitter is about two things:
1. Writing jokes that maybe 2-3 people TOPS will understand.
2. Letting random people I don't know rile me up about something that has very little material consequence to my life and that I had no intention of paying attention to today.
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21 Nov 2022
Hi it's me, Grammy award winning musical legend Elton John. So.... uhhh... it's hard for me to admit, but I wrote a song about how great you are. Is that okay??? I hope you don't mind.
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NOT Brian Holcomb (Satire) retweeted
13 Apr 2022
warned my wife that if we do go hyundai for our next car she will have to deal with me singing “lady, step into my hyundai” at least once a week
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NOT Brian Holcomb (Satire) retweeted
7 Jul 2019
hopttps://www.washingtonpost.com/lol l
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NOT Brian Holcomb (Satire) retweeted
15 Dec 2016
I was shoveling the walk and said to my 80 year old neighbor, "At least it's pretty." He replied, "It sure does cover up the folly of man"❤️
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NOT Brian Holcomb (Satire) retweeted
11 Nov 2016
*wakes up and looks at phone*
ah let's see what fresh horrors await me on the fresh horrors device
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NOT Brian Holcomb (Satire) retweeted
21 Sep 2010
See the job. Do the job. Stay out of the misery.
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