i was born in a tin of tuna and baptized in the oil
Joined September 2020
- Tweets 5,935
- Following 231
- Followers 1,195
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345 Photos and videos
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24 Nov 2024
eye doctor: you should see a home going in and out of focus
me: [choking up] ok
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neighbor passed my monster hydrangea that is overtaking my home and texted me to ask if i will cut her some blooms
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it’s going to cost 75 dollars for me to develop my film from washington . i am only willing to develop all the rolls or none at all. there is no fix for this
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if your coffee has six pumps of various syrups and your favorite meals involve some form of honey-like sauce i think it is time to admit you are actually a bee and you like sugar
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i saw something mentioning that since the world cup is in my city i should strongly consider redownloading hinge and it felt like someone shot me in the head
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it is an amazing thing that artists can continue to give us gifts long after they have gone. i have just listened to george harrison's all things must pass the whole way through for the first time and it is truly magnificent
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i don't care that he's a beatle and this is one of the most famous albums of all time. get some wonder in your diet bitch
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i just personally don't think anyone should have to know what a sql is. it is not in the bible
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dr pepper zero and a shot of decaf espresso. to whom do i owe the pleasure
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Jun 17
all the beauty influencers in the world and not one can outrun tretinoin and vaseline
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Jun 16
of all alcoholic beverages, one singular old fashioned can get me instantly drunk. i have had two
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Jun 16
i sensed that you were getting aroused when i brought up the maillard reaction on my steaks
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Jun 16
had a psychotic episode and cut my split ends with craft scissors (im bald now)
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Jun 16
bob dylan saying you see life repeat itself at 85 is going to make me walk into the ocean with a book bag full of bricks
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as you wish retweeted
Jun 14
Incredible nervous state, trepidation beyond words: to be this much in love is to be sick (and I love to be sick).
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Jun 15
everything is embarrassing started playing in an eclectic gift store downtown and i was filled with something the english language doesn’t have a word for
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Jun 15
there was a tick on me and i panicked and swiped it off and now it is somewhere in my office where it will inevitably slit my throat tonight
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Jun 10
it is so important to have friends a variety of ages. im having dinner this weekend with a 50 year old accountant . whatever
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Jun 15
i know many of you know my first name but i just think it’s easier for those of you who don’t to never find it out
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Jun 15
on one hand i have reached the shade of brown i desire to be. on the other hand, laying in the sun is crucial to my well being. so you see the pickle
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