I like my puns intended
Joined January 2020
- Tweets 6,106
- Following 964
- Followers 6,130
- Likes 19,363
566 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
20 Dec 2025
I will trust someone on Reddit from 11 years ago with my life before using chatgpt for anything
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Jun 10
need a beautiful woman to make me watch love island and explain the sociological nuance of all the relationships to me
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Jun 9
I have to be the best behaved, kindest person at the airport in hopes that others will follow my example
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Jun 8
Cute dog, but he doesn’t have the hunger in his eyes. No way this pup is making a triple decker sandwich and comically devouring it in one bite.
First look at Scooby Doo in the live-action ‘SCOOBY DOO’ series.
Coming soon to Netflix.
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Jun 8
Spending a week in Yosemite… surely this will be what fixes me
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Jun 7
Just booked a flight for my weeklong trip in two days. Living on the edge! (I have no idea what I’m doing in life and am winging it 90% of the time)
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Jun 6
Bored. Might go sit at a bar and do a crossword until a beautiful woman approaches me
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Jun 6
Saying this to strangers I walk past in the grocery store to brighten their day
Jun 3
“I jerk off to you” is literally the best compliment.
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Jun 5
Thinking about quitting my job and moving somewhere new and starting over. Surely there are no downsides to this
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Jun 5
Just got $8 from a data breach settlement for exposing my personal information. Go ahead and order dessert beautiful, it’s on me
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Jun 4
Can someone say “I love you, and everything is going to be okay” in my ear a couple dozen times it’s for an experiment
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Jun 4
I get parasites are “bad” but it’s just a friend that’s just hanging out with you while you go on walks and eat dinner
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Jun 3
Feeling super guilty about something but haven’t quite decided what it is yet
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chance retweeted
I am a single issue voter anymore. If you support Israel in literally any way shape or form I will not vote for you. I do not care about literally anything else anymore. How can anyone see this and ignore it.
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Jun 1
It’s actually okay to not be extremely attractive or smart or fit or funny or rich or good at things. Sometimes just a bit is enough
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May 31
Just ran a 5K even though I don’t feel great if anyone cares
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