Local cryptid
Joined November 2016
- Tweets 30,491
- Following 1,660
- Followers 2,386
- Likes 252,938
4,327 Photos and videos
Accusing my mailman of being a low-level Mason tasked with surveilling me and demanding to see the underside of his balls at gunpoint to locate the tracking device
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When I talk to my wife, I speak the language of love (文言文 classical literary Chinese)
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He let me hit it because of my nuanced and heterodox views on a wide variety of subjects
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Captain Jean-Luc Dickhard retweeted
Jun 10
you know you really like her when the gay thoughts stop occurring
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924
Hey you think you have it so easy? Why don’t you jack a mile in my penis?
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Sucking dick for the first time and coughing a bunch like you just hit the pen too hard
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Dude I was messing around with my cock and you won’t believe what happened next
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They’re putting me on a performance improvement plan at work because I keep dry humping all the office furniture
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Walking around with my dick out but no one can tell cause my pants are covering it
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Captain Jean-Luc Dickhard retweeted
Jun 10
How to eat pussy no borax. No glue
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739
My penis is a grower in the sense that it grows on you how mediocre it is. You will eventually warm to how mid and unimpressive it is. It does not grow to be larger
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(Forgetting the phrase “don’t piss on mg leg and tell me it’s raining”) dude don’t tickle my taint and tell me it’s raining
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Taking my baby to the doctor because I think it has borderline personality disorder
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Hey man can I borrow a couple of inches from you just for tonight. I sort of “over-promised” my date
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