@comedy_keys profile picture
Adam Keys @comedy_keys

I’m 99% dishwasher safe. 🇨🇦🇺🇸

Joined May 2014
  • Tweets 457
  • Following 1,919
  • Followers 281
76 Photos and videos
Women say they want a man who’s emotionally available, until I cry watching @AGT Then it’s the opposite
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The news got it wrong,Those missiles being fired are called TomaHawk-tuah ‘s, right @talktuahpod ?? #Knicks
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If @OpenAI is so good, why do we still have a “margin of error” in polling, I mean, shouldn’t the poll be exact? 🤔
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You can buy @ChickfilA sauce at my local grocery store now Yeah, but they still won’t sell it on a Sunday 🤔
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If a stand up comedian is using @ChatGPTapp to write their jokes,and your joke is not your own original thought,you’re a comedic actor, reading a script.Just bomb like the rest of us and have fun already 💣
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Are mass shootings on @Polymarket or @Kalshi ? Seems like it’d be easy money
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War is just a show, that’s why the higher ups don’t say “we are putting the troops in war” they say “we are putting the troops in theater” I was in this show, spoiler alert, we lose😂
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Looks like Jeffery Epstein was into stand up comedy Which is a little weird honestly Because virtually every comedy club is a 18 and older venue Not really his demo
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The city of Sacramento is saving a lot of money/electricity this year by not lighting the beam, thanks @SacramentoKings
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was stressing yesterday and needed to chill,turned on Netflix and some insane person was free solo-ing a skyscraper in Taiwan,now I’m really stressing out,sweating like people in the Epstein files,but honestly couldn’t look away- @AlexHonnold you’re a wild dude! #Skyscrapperlive
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My bumble prompt- 2 truths and a lie: 1-I’m formally 6’2 2-I’m acting president of Venezuela 3- my first name isn’t Adam
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What’s the over/under @TomBrady is just inching his way closer to cloning @giseleofficial ? espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/4684…

Ex-NFL star QB Brady claims his dog is a clone

Tom Brady says his dog is a clone of his family's previous dog that died in 2023.

espn.com
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“Social media” For some it’s a platform For others it’s a plank
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Adam Keys@comedy_keys
28 Oct 2025
It’s 324pm ,time for a nap before I watch game 4 of the @WorldSeries am I right ?! #18innings @BlueJays @LADodgers #WorldSeries
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Adam Keys@comedy_keys
16 Oct 2025
A Brouhaha is just jokes in your soup #standupcomedy
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Adam Keys@comedy_keys
14 Oct 2025
Money is clearly getting tight for everyone these days,last night on @WheelofFortune they had 3 slots on their wheel that said I.O.U
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Adam Keys@comedy_keys
13 Oct 2025
There’s a new sitcom on CBS called DMV. It’s just a blank screen and we wait for it to work
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Adam Keys@comedy_keys
19 Jan 2025
Tik tok down today is like black hawk down then
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Adam Keys@comedy_keys
14 Nov 2024
Tomorrow’s fight sounds like there’s 4 fighters and not just 2 , doesn’t it?! Mike and Tyson / Jake and Paul
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Adam Keys@comedy_keys
17 Sep 2024
I hope @stoolpresidente starts doing barstool weed reviews in random states/cities- “1 puff, everyone knows the rules” #barstool #letsgo #weed
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