⠀⠀SLAUGHTER—LAMBS’ UNHEARD PRAYERS.

Joined April 2024
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love is like the breaking of the spine.
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remarkable boy. i do admire your courage. i think i’ll eat your heart.
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she did not seem to hear my footsteps, and did not even stir when i passed by with bated breath and loudly throbbing heart.
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on the contrary, as a family there was a duty to swallow any revulsion for him and to be patient, just to be patient.
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i want you to always remember me. will you remember that i existed, and that i stood next to you here like this?
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how do you kill something that can’t possibly be alive?
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he took a lot of abuse, but he never got killed.
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please, just kill me. open my throat like i opened yours.
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and i believe that there’s another man inside of every man. a stranger. a conniving man.
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you and i aren’t meant to be.
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for you, i created everything from nil. yet your gaze never settles —— always elsewhere, in search for more. greedy, insatiable. you deserve nothing.
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i have immortal longings in me.
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you —— my hunger, my ruin.
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i want to love without fearing every minute that this love will bruise me.
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you are dearer to me than myself.
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i have so much to say to you that i’m afraid i shall tell you nothing.
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what are you afraid of losing, when nothing in the world belongs to you?
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the deepest form of slavery is the hunger for being understood.
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the first clear thought in years: i refuse to die.
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release me. release me from my promise to you. don’t make me do this anymore. don’t make me go on.
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but i do feel strange —— almost unearthly. i’ll never get used to being alive. it’s a mystery. always startled to find i’ve survived.
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