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Dave Callan @davecallantwit

Penthouse Pet of the month 1986. Has popped up on Rove Live, Spicks and Specks, MICF Gala, Good Game, Whovians and JJJ

Joined October 2009
  • Tweets 7,442
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Dave Callan@davecallantwit
18 Apr 2019
Oh look vegans have their own Netflix and chill
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Imagine if Jimi Hendrix and Naghthalighhe Bassinghthhwaighthhghhhgthhe had a child. Like imagine how much voodoo would be in that child
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Tonight Australian Prime Minister Anthony Albanese will be making an important announcement to the nation The announcement: “Oi catch the bus ya dogs”
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Hope everyone’s clovermaxxing green pilled and paddycoded
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One day beside a tree in a car park in Bondi there will be a statue to a man who showed the entire world that true humanity is above any dogma or prejudice and just wants peace on earth
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If I got caught on camera at a Coldplay concert I’d skedaddle too and I’m not even having an affair
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Absolutely nobody: Person standing in the rain about to invent the shower: what if we could do this like, whenever
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Can’t believe the y2k bug finally caught up with us
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The events of the last 24 hours seem to have completely inverted the groups that belive in conspiracy theories and those who don’t
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Sometimes I wish @liamgallagher and @NoelGallagher existed in some sort of shared cinematic universe where they could occasionally team up
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#PiersMorganuncensored the moment of truth
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I saw Pearl Jam for three shillings and tuppence back in nineteen hundred and ninety three
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Why is Sydney nightlife so dead when it’s a perfectly reasonable avenue to becoming Danish royalty
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A Hobart woman went out on the lash after the Olympics one night BAM Queen of the friggen Danes the place should be lit 24:7
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From the guy who brought you “Die Hard isn’t a Christmas movie it’s an action thriller set at Christmas” comes this absolute firestarter of an opinion: “Last Christmas” isn’t a Christmas song. It’s a breakup song SET DURING TWO CHRISTMASES (this one and last)
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It does not need Christmas to function it could literally be about any holiday Last Halloween Last Anzac Day Last Pancake Tuesday Last International Men’s Day Last feast day of Dueteronomy of Gath
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I wonder if the person who came up with the mistletoe concept also tried other tricks “Well well looks someone’s under some elderberries we all know what that means” *points at dick*
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Whoever wrote that Christmas ditty about the five gold rings and the partridge in the pear tree was tripping ABSOLUTE BALLS
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Amy Taylor from Amyl and the sniffers has the head of a suburban housewife on the Gold Coast in 1971 CHANGE MY MIND Like she should be just fully chain smoking Winnie golds in a brown corduroy sunken lounge with Eagle Rock blasting mean this as a compliment she looks cool af
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Annual reminder that Santa can see you when you’re sleeping by default To fix go to settings>pole>north>santa>times he can see me>sleeping>off
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Creepy Crawly pool cleaners are mermaids to Rhoombas CHANGE MY MIND
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