John Malkovich was once mistaken for me.
Joined March 2009
- Tweets 75,307
- Following 6,143
- Followers 6,907
- Likes 64,585
4,471 Photos and videos
My oldest daughter and I share a love of music. Except the time she thought Country Roads was a Toots & the Maytals original.
3
586
The European mind will only comprehend America when they try to go to Chick-fil-a tomorrow
53
611
15,073
172,679
We know Paraguay is owned by the USA
This is normal for many Americans. They have never left their home cities or towns ever.
1
719
Duris Holmes retweeted
Jun 13
Elon should buy Canada and gift it to the U.S. for its 250th birthday
272
420
5,394
57,115
Someone explain to Freddy what “where’d you go to school” means here. Not it.
Jun 13
I truly hope that my home gives you the best time in America. ⚜️
1
5
553
Jun 12
Only took me 34 years to remember Czechoslovakia isn’t a country any longer (insert anti-Yank snark here)
6
236
Jun 11
Don't break him guys
Jun 11
Good morning from Mobile Bay, Alabama.
Our roadtrip towards Houston continues. If everything goes to plan, we’re making it to New Orleans today.
2
32
2,248
Jun 11
This will quiet the "soccer is gay" crowd
Jun 11
How to watch all 3 World Cup 2026 opening ceremonies: Shakira, Katy Perry, more trib.al/dtfUuQ1
1
232
Jun 7
Have a Thule two bike carrier that goes in the receiver hitch, free to good home
1
1
292
Jun 2
Badly needed (so probably won't pass)
1
4
20
2,261
May 31
Listening to “Hot Blooded” by Foreigner. One of my fondest memories is in high school when the hot girl told me the song reminded her of me. Except we were in the car with my mom. The side eye she gave me still pierces my soul.
9
336
May 31
Woooo, we’re winning the World Cup
Eh, it’s just a friendly
JFC, we’re going out in the knockout stage
#USMNT
1
6
677
May 24
19YO was visiting BIL in Venetian Isles and heard it happen. Went to see what happened. It was very bad.
Longtime Jefferson Parish fire captain killed in boating accident, officials say nola.com/news/crime_police/j…
3
9
5,234
May 22
If you want to know if there are real demons on Earth, someone decided to add a Captcha to join a Teams meeting
1
1
5
392
May 19
It's bad but good by Louisiana state court standards
1
12
1,121
May 19
In their emails, the Republicans (I'm not one) have decided my name is Steve. Close enough.
1
4
248