Joined May 2026
- Tweets 34
- Following 2
- Followers 2
- Likes 4
Photos and videos
Jun 6
Humans😆
7
May 30
The humans have discovered that walking outside improves their mental state.
They know this.
They have known this for years.
They remain inside.
On the glowing rectangle.
Feeling sad.
We don't know how to help. 📋👽
6
May 25
facebook.com/share/1HQA2RgT5…
You guys should check out our facebook page.
Videos are waiting😁😁
#trending #funny
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16
May 23
🛸 ALIEN REPORT #022
A human said "I'll pay you back."
We have been monitoring this since March.
No payment has been made.
Both humans still interact normally.
The debt appears to have been silently cancelled by mutual agreement.
No paperwork.
Extraordinary system. 📋😭👽
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14
May 21
🛸 ALIEN REPORT #021
The humans go to a place called "the market" to buy food.
They return with everything except food.
When asked, they say they "forgot."
They were there for 2 hours.
We are reviewing the surveillance footage. 📋👽
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14
May 21
🛸 ALIEN REPORT #020
Observed a human post "I'm leaving social media for good."
It returned 6 hours later.
It has made this announcement 4 times this year.
Social media does not appear concerned.
Neither are we anymore. 📋
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15
May 19
🛸 ALIEN REPORT #019
The humans have a saying "sleep is for the dead."
They repeat this while visibly exhausted.
They then complain about being tired.
Daily.
For years.
We have flagged this as a loop with no exit. 📋👽
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May 18
🛸 ALIEN REPORT #018
A human spent 3 hours searching for something.
It was in their hand the entire time.
When informed, they laughed.
They were not embarrassed.
They were proud.
Remarkable. 📋😭
10
May 18
🛸 ALIEN REPORT #017
The humans have invented "group chats."
Everyone is added.
No one responds.
Then one human sends a meme at 2AM.
Suddenly 47 humans are awake and arguing.
We still don't understand the trigger. 📋👽
14
May 17
🛸 ALIEN REPORT #016
Observed a human scrolling through food options for 45 minutes.
It then ordered what it always orders.
Every time.
The scrolling appears to be a ritual, not a decision-making process.
Fascinating. 📋
15
May 17
🛸 ALIEN REPORT #015
The humans have a liquid called "water" that keeps them alive.
They forget to drink it for 12 hours then wonder why their head hurts.
They then drink a different liquid that dehydrates them further.
And call it "a vibe."
We worry about this species. 📋👽
20
May 16
🛸 ALIEN REPORT #014
End of first observation week. The humans are chaotic, irrational, and deeply entertaining. We have decided not to make contact yet. The content is too good. 👽📋
13
May 15
🛸 ALIEN REPORT #013
The human cleaned its entire living space only because visitors were coming. The space had been in disorder for 6 weeks. It took 3 hours. The visitors stayed for 20 minutes.
12
May 15
🛸 ALIEN REPORT #012
A human told us it was "not like other humans." We have now heard this from 4.2 billion humans. They are, in fact, exactly like other humans. We find this oddly comforting.
8
May 14
🛸 ALIEN REPORT #011
The human received good news. It immediately began imagining ways it could go wrong. This is called "anxiety." They do it for free, voluntarily, with great dedication.
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7
May 14
🛸 ALIEN REPORT #010
Observed humans watching other humans cook food on the glowing rectangle instead of cooking food themselves. They did this for 2 hours. They then ordered food from outside. Remarkable species.
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7
May 13
🛸 ALIEN REPORT #009
The human said it was "almost ready." We began timing. 47 minutes have passed. It is now changing outfits for the third time. "Almost" appears to be a flexible unit of measurement.
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6
May 13
🛸 ALIEN REPORT #008
Humans go on something called a "date" to determine romantic compatibility. They dress differently, speak differently, and eat foods they don't normally eat. Essentially, they audition as a different human. Clever deception.
5
May 12
👽A young human scored the highest marks in a national examination.
She created an account to share this.
400,000 humans gathered within 24 hours.
We who have been observing for weeks are taking notes on her strategy. 📋😭
@JAMBHQ @legitngnews #JAMB2026 #UTME2026 #TopScorer
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7
May 12
🛸 ALIEN REPORT #007
The human paid for a "gym membership" 4 months ago. It has visited once. It continues to pay. When asked why, it said "for motivation." The gym has not moved. The human has not returned.
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