Joined May 2012
- Tweets 5,078
- Following 307
- Followers 108
- Likes 2,921
362 Photos and videos
I was trying to figure out why I hadn't seen my favorite work shirt in a while and then I remembered they cut it off of me in the ambulance back in December. Still mad about it. No one told me I was gonna show up to the trauma unit NUDE. I would have at least shaved.
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I don't wanna work. I don't want to go out. I wanna play starview valley and listen to lesbian romance novels.
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I have a playlist called "I don't like country music" and it's only the country songs I actually do like. it's 8 hours long.
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We're getting to the age where those whim decision pets we got in our early twenties are coming to the ends of their lives. Even if I don't talk to you anymore, I think about all y'all's pets. All the time.
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Something about a Sprite and little bag of Cheez-Its for breakfast that just kind of heals me.
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Today's been tough for me for the past 16 years. I'm always grateful when it falls on a weekend. If you need me I'll be in my hidey hole 👋🏼
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I've been saying that a drunk makeout sesh in a dive bar would fix me. And I was right. It did.
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I used to nanny for this family and I thought that they were the most conservative rich fucks. turns out they're super liberal and I wish I could go back and apologize for my misinterpretation that they were wildly unaware of.
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going out to socialize but constantly thinking about a brownie in my fridge and wanting go home to it is the epitome of being 32
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I love that my birthday is New Year's Day. I go out the night before and celebrate with a billion people, fireworks, champagne, and midnight snacks. Then everyone sleeps in and I get to be alone and do whatever I want. This year, I'm having cake for breakfast.
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The highlight of 2025 was discovering I could buy a deck of all 7 of spades on Amazon and wow drunk strangers with my ability to "guess" their card. Best Bit of The Year.
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I'm going to turn 32 in one hour and eight minutes. I thought for sure this would be the worst birthday of my life, but it wasn't. good friends and good drinks made it so amazing. #grateful
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30 Dec 2025
Today I complained a lot about having to stay with my parents while I heal from some injuries. Tonight I came back from work to a home cooked meal, clean laundry, and a hug. I take back everything I said.
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16 Dec 2025
met a cute girl tonight. chatted for a long time. got her number. completely forgot how to flirt.
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12 Dec 2025
should be sending my boss pleadings to review but instead I'm sending him memes on IG.
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3 Dec 2025
there's something therapeutic about late night cig chats with a bartender at an empty bar.
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24 Nov 2025
not me, a fully employed 31 year old who contributes nothing to holiday meals at moms house, demanding a specific dish be served at Thanksgiving 🤣
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24 Nov 2025
there's a horrible alarm going off right above my desk at work. it's been happening since I clocked in. no one can make it stop and the electrician is 2 hours late. Then my Ethernet cable gave out. The universe is sending me very aggressive signs today.
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14 Nov 2025
we need to go back to the days of in-persom ticket purchasing only. I'd rather camp out in line than get robbed by bots like this.
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