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Joined September 2010
- Tweets 29,177
- Following 348
- Followers 244
- Likes 1,480
1,240 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
21 Feb 2021
I wanna get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus. I wanna feel his salvation all over my face.
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May 9
Argon walks into a bar. The barman says, “Get the hell out of here!”
Argon doesn’t react.
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Apr 22
I’ve just borrowed a book from the library about abdominal surgery but somebody has removed the appendix.
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Apr 14
I tried walking uphill without a watch but had neither the time nor the inclination.
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Apr 14
I used to be addicted to the Hokey-Cokey but I turned myself around. That’s what it’s all about.
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Farrell retweeted
Just remembered how Cilla Black used to eat oranges with Oxo cubes rubbed onto them as a snack. Absolutely unhinged
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Mar 16
Just been checking my home insurance policy.
If my duvet is stolen in the middle of the night, I won’t be covered.
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Feb 25
Falls just in time for summer, when we’re not using much energy anyway. Watch it jump up 10% in October. apple.news/Ab6nH4idqR76dUMDS…
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Feb 20
I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink.
I’m sat in the hospital, waiting to be seen.
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Farrell retweeted
Feb 13
We, the taxpayer, paid £5,822.27 to cover electricity for Nadhim Zahawi's stables in his £1.3 million estate in Warwickshire. Whilst he was stepping over a homeless man in Mayfair.
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Feb 7
Getting a job repairing revolving doors was a real turning point for me.
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Feb 5
My coffee has finally arrived. Although, it wasn’t what I ordered.
Better latte than never.
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Jan 18
When people realise how bad an electrician I am, they’re in for a shock!
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Jan 4
Ordered a beer and a sausage. Took 20 minutes for the beer to be served. The wurst is yet to come.
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31 Dec 2025
My New Year’s resolution is to give up spray-on deodorant. Roll-on 2026!
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Farrell retweeted
9 Dec 2025
Your party compiled a Grooming Gang Inquiry and then refused to implement any of the recommendations.
And you were the Minister for Women and Children at the time.
It was on your desk.
It was your responsibility.
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3 Dec 2025
Empty war threats? I wouldn’t be so naive. Complacency could be Europe’s downfall here. apple.news/ASRJVvrowRSmouRlZ…
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