My knob is the same size as a Greggs sausage roll. I'm no longer allowed in Greggs.
Joined January 2014
- Tweets 102,804
- Following 1,773
- Followers 5,897
- Likes 30,240
14,115 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
1 Dec 2021
The vet told us that James needs to lose a bit of weight. We have to stop giving him treats. I've been feeling sorry for him & giving him treats in secret. Found out my wife has too. So James has been getting more treats than ever before
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Listening to music and I nearly fell down the stairs vaccing them up. I wasn't dancing or anything
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I bought some tea towels. How did they get to this? I mean I do eat cereal all the time but mind your business Amazon!
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When everyone is making jokes on twitter and I come up with one but I'm far too late & everyone has moved onto something else
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Jun 12
Spoke to a client today, he asked a load of questions which isn't unusual, but one question was "what happens if I die?"
If you die?? If? You're not the highlander mate
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Jun 9
Not really into conspiracy shite, but I bet all those Farage ads on here are to convince us all to pay for twitter to avoid seeing em
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Jun 7
One of my neighbours had their house broken into a couple of days ago. I've spent the day installing cameras outside my house. I'm amazed that my cat spends his day either sleeping or doing laps around the house
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Jon retweeted
Jun 4
No fucking way Trump bathes or showers on his own. Heβs cleaned by others like an elephant.
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Jun 4
Wasn't sure about this but the reviews are brilliant and now I can't wait to see it.
Amy Adams and Patrick Wilson star in this exclusive clip from #CapeFear ahead of its premiere this Friday on Apple TV.
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Jun 3
You can tell when twitter switches you to the for you page as it's full of weird incel types saying "hey grok, change their clothing" type shite
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Jon retweeted
Jun 1
I bet Jordan Henderson clapped
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Jun 1
I remember the days before I could watch telly without a snoring 6 stone puppy drowning out the noise.
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Jun 1
My lunch shouting me from the fridge each time I leave for work without it
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Jun 1
Yea we can just print more notes, we can all become wealthy.
The UK issues its own currency. That means the government cannot run out of pounds any more than a football team can run out of goals. Spending creates money. Taxes destroy it.
#MMT #JobGuarantee #UKEconomy
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May 31
Was watching telly earlier & the cats were pissing around so I filmed them. The music from the telly made it seem more dramatic.
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May 31
Obviously I'm old and shite eyesight, but seeing this ad, my first thought was who's buying shoes with fuckin horns on em
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