Joined November 2008
- Tweets 1,584
- Following 571
- Followers 564
- Likes 3,061
292 Photos and videos
Greg Smith retweeted
30 Dec 2023
My doctor just diagnosed me with a severe lack of awareness.
That came out of nowhere.
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Greg Smith retweeted
30 Dec 2023
Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son.
He said: "Dad can't you just use a sponge?"
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Greg Smith retweeted
28 Dec 2023
Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
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Greg Smith retweeted
25 Dec 2023
The only gift I got for Christmas was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
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Greg Smith retweeted
24 Dec 2023
For Christmas, I bought my wife new beads for her abacus.
It's the little things that count.
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Greg Smith retweeted
22 Dec 2023
Just found out the company that produces yardsticks won’t be making them any longer.
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Greg Smith retweeted
23 Dec 2023
What do you call a mute owl?
Anything you like, it doesn’t give a hoot.
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Greg Smith retweeted
21 Dec 2023
When I was young, my parents made me walk the plank.
We couldn't afford a dog.
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Greg Smith retweeted
16 Dec 2023
My wife said that I ruined her birthday..
But I didn’t even know it was her birthday.
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Greg Smith retweeted
16 Dec 2023
There’s only one thing I can’t deal with, and that’s a deck of cards glued together.
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Greg Smith retweeted
15 Dec 2023
I somehow managed to make it through high school math while only being able to remember even numbers!
What are the odds?
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Greg Smith retweeted
11 Dec 2022
Walken in a winter wonder land.
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Greg Smith retweeted
12 Dec 2023
I passed all my courses except for Greek mythology.
That has always been my Achilles’ elbow.
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Greg Smith retweeted
12 Dec 2023
I love going outdoors.
It's much safer than going out windows.
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Greg Smith retweeted
9 Dec 2023
My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them
Did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters
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Greg Smith retweeted
9 Dec 2023
I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home all the signs were there.
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Greg Smith retweeted
8 Dec 2023
My therapist told me I can't identify my own emotions.
I'm not sure how I feel about that.
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Greg Smith retweeted
8 Dec 2023
If A is for apple and B is for banana, what is C for?
Plastic explosives.
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Greg Smith retweeted
7 Dec 2023
My last apartment only had four-foot high ceilings.
I couldn’t stand living there.
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