Yearning is Lust. Fantasy is Rape.
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First fantasy:
Rape, in essence, is seizing control of something and doing what you want with it. Rape as we know it is the forcing of sex upon another, the violation of one's autonomy by brute force and physical violence. Literally "having your way with her" (it doesn't have to be a 'her,' but let's be charitable here). "The Raped" online are those who have been violated mentally against their will. The essence of rape is seizing control and violating autonomy.
Fantasy - in this I mean fantasizing about reality - takes aspects of reality and plays with them in one's mind. When you fantasize about another person, you take what you know of them, construct a doll in their image, and puppet them around to do your bidding. When you fantasize about a possible life you could have, you strip the elements you want out of the context of reality and play with them as you please. No matter how close to reality you fantasize, it will never be reality. You strip reality of its function and violate it. Fantasy is Rape.
First objection: So no dreams/goals/wants/desires/hope?
These things are not Fantasy. To dream of something is to want to strive TOWARDS it, not dwell IN it in imagination. Fantasy is stationary, these things are active. You move towards a dream or goal to make it real. Fantasy supplants, or even subverts, reality. One harms, the other helps.
Second Objection: But Fantasy is imagination, if the Fantasy isn't sin it's not bad!
Are you sure? Look at the young men on this website who fantasize about marriage, they are consumed by it, their Fantasy does not help make it reality it only helps to stoke the passions of lust and obsession. Look at my life, I fantasized in that way for so long every woman looked like my future wife. I could not treat my sisters in Christ as people because the Fantasy had been so thoroughly indulged. Are you sure Fantasy is harmless? Are you absolutely sure?
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Second, yearning:
By yearning I mean the strong emotional craving for a significant other. This is not the dictionary definition, but the online one, and that's fine. Keep this in mind.
I want to preface this by saying you can want to be married, you can desire to be a husband or wife, these are good things to want to be. I'm talking about Yearning, the strong desire for a woman or man that is almost insatiable.
All strong desires should be carefully considered, lest they become sin. Desire to be with community is good and Biblical, but step it too far and it becomes unhealthy dependency on others. To desire a spouse as a means of following scripture and turning the lust within you into something good by God's grace is good. To yearn...
Marriage is not something you should step into lightly. As Christians, we are called to something higher. Yearning, that intense feeling, threatens to blind us to that. Are you seeking a spouse because of your lust (a good and biblical thing to do), or have you placed the fulfillment of your life on a person you have not met?
I say this as a former yearner. I know the emotions, the desires, how good it feels to express love for her (the abstract Wife, as it were). But these feelings grew and festered, and the emptiness I felt I placed on the hope of one day marrying a woman. And so I ignored the community of believers God had given me, my friends.
If you look at the early church in scripture, the close friendships between believers are so unbelievably close it borders squeemishness. Kissing, holding, communing, confessing, connecting. These things I placed upon an abstract Wife, not on the people I was supposed to be close to now.
If you remove the lust, what do you have in yearning? A desire for friendship. Which we can have right now. Yearning is Lust.
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I have raped and lusted. I am warning you of what you might become, of what your actions and feelings and thoughts might be. We have a higher calling in this world. Remember that.