I am grappling with so many emotions this morning, Day 26, from about 4am on. I am struggling to see the next steps, what they look like and where we will go. I am struggling with my son’s right arm being paralyzed and not having any answers. The trauma surgeon that saved his life came in yesterday and told me to prepare for the worst and hope for the best and it was meant with the best intentions. But what he doesn’t know, is that we already prepared for worst so many times. When the chaplain called us Sept 11th from Parker Hospital and we had to make that painstaking long 20 min drive, we were preparing ourselves for the worst. When the nurse came into the room, that jay and I were pulled into, and she told us that our son was critical and that we needed to prepare ourselves and go into that room and hold his hand and tell him to fight like he never has before, we were preparing for the worst. When I held my breath for every code that went off in that emergency department the long ten hours that we were there, I was preparing for the worst. For two weeks in the ICU, when his oxygen monitor, his ventilator monitor and HR monitor would alarm in the middle of the night and send panic through my entire body, I was prepared for the worst. And when he needed an emergency tracheotomy in the middle of the night and I prayed incessantly over him to just make it until 545am, i was prepared for the worst. But now, I’m not preparing myself for the worst anymore. I am preparing myself to find the best doctors in the world to help my son be able to use his arm and hand again. I am preparing all of my prayer warriors to lift up prayers for me to find that doctor, for Cole to fight like never before to use his arm and hand again, and for him to be whole again. I am preparing to be by his side in the deepest and darkest valleys and lift him up and help him fight, because that’s what moms do. We don’t take no for an answer 💜💜💜

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