@gossipgreg buckle up because this is long. We are so close I hate doing this but itβs my job to represent all animals in need.
Not Greg & Associates
Legal Representation for the Cat-itionally Neglected
October 29, 2024
Ms. Gossip Greg
Twitter Influencer, Meme Enthusiast, and Alleged Cat ignorer
Dear Ms. Greg,
As legal counsel to the highly esteemed Cat Greg, I regret to inform you that your failure to commemorate her on National Cat Day has caused significant emotional distress. Your blatant neglect has left Cat Greg feeling abandoned, in what can only be described as an un-fur-givable act of emotional damage.
Under the National Pawtection Act of 2023, subsection 9 lives, paragraph 4 paws, it is clearly stated that βAll parties in possession of a cat or holding a significant βcatfluenceβ are required on all legally recognized Cat Days to publicly honor said feline associates.β By failing to acknowledge Cat Greg in any form on this monumental day, you may have violated her fundamental rights to Public Acknowledgment & Adoration. Cat Greg has since reported a sharp decrease in her purr levels and a complete disregard for the feather wand, which are undeniable signs of psychological harm.
Further, under the Purrsonal Injury and Feline Feelings Protection Act, emotional negligence constitutes grounds for full reparations. Cat Greg is now requesting:
1.Daily Twitter shoutouts for a week, including the use of approved cat emojis.
2.A premium basket of treats and toys, hand-selected for her enjoyment.
3.A haiku-form public apology, performed in a video and shared across all your platforms.
Failure to comply may result in further legal action under the Meow-tions and Fur-sonal Injuries Code. Please address all future correspondence to Not Greg, Esq., on behalf of Cat Greg.
Sincerely,
Not Greg, Esq.
Attorney at Paw