The Pain Cave.
Ultras are known for the “Pain Cave,” this mythical place where athletes suffer for hours on end. What I learned after my bike accident in April is that the Pain Cave doesn’t mean “pain” like a head injury or broken bones. It means stripping down the physical artifice of normal life and exposing your muscles and sinew to the world. It’s totally vulnerable, and I (the anxiety-riddled former football player who very few people believed was setting a reasonable goal) wanted to see what would happen when I was stripped down to that vulnerable place.
Leadville was my first 100 miler, and I didn’t care when and how I got to experience the Pain Cave. I just wanted to experience it of my own volition, not because of a damn car making a left turn without seeing me. And I learned that I could go into that cave, turn on a light, and find thousands of people giving me love and telling me how I inspired them no matter how the race turned out.
I hope I can inspire other people to do things that mortify them and seem impossible. Because when you venture into the cave and make yourself that vulnerable, I bet that there might be something special waiting for you when you turn on a light 🧡
This video is from the 20% grade on Powerline climb at mile 80. I didn’t want to walk a step of the race, and I was having doubts. I was in the cave. And the believers were with me in this moment, carrying me to a record I didn’t know I could achieve. Thank you to all my cave friends 🙏
Also, on the drive home to our AirBnB after the race, I thought I was dying. It was my first 100, and it felt so strange. I made Megan pull over. She’s a doctor, and she assured me I wasn’t dying. But I wasn’t sure. So I sat there, about to pass out, when suddenly:
FARRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTT.
I let out a 20-second fart from the pits of hell. “It was just a fart panic,” Megan said.
Ultras are the best.