We’re here! 🧸💦 Chav babies being pushed through the doors in the double pushchair, gold chains clanking over thick Pampers. Parents staring, kids giggling. Matt’s face is tomato-red already 😭 Poll: What should Daddy make them do first? 1️⃣ Crawl to the ball pit (crinkles echoing) 2️⃣ Slide down the big slide (nappy checks mid-waddle) Vote now lads—make it humiliating! Drop ideas 👇 #BabyKyle #BabyMatt #SoftPlayHell #RegressionDebt ✅️🔄❤️🔔 Follow & RT to spread the shame!

#softplayhell is over. 75 kids. 4 cakes. No vomit. I’d say that was a success - the wine has never tased so good

The calm before the storm… #softplayhell

Caught up with some from friends who moved to Portugal recently and they told me that they DO NOT HAVE SOFT PLAY THERE. Have been seriously considering relocating ever since! #dadlife #softplayhell

Saturday afternoon…… at a kids soft play party 🤦🏼‍♂️😡 What did I do to deserve this 🤷🏼‍♂️ #softplayhell #whydoit Roll on tomorrow, an afternoon with my boy and The Boys in Brum 😎

Still had wrapping and tidying to do before things get busy…… I drew the short straw…… #softplayhell

Soft play is and will always be, my least favourite thing to do with this one 😬🙄 she enjoyed it while it was quiet at least #mumlife #softplayhell

Being honest I have had more fun 🤷‍♂️ #SoftPlayHell

In #softplayhell and there's a 'screamer'. She might not make it out alive...

There are all these toddlers licking alcohol sanitiser gel off of their hands before they have their snacks. 🙈 Meanwhile, my kid just ate a (random) hula hoop off of the floor. 😱 I’m not proud, I should probably get off of my phone. #softplayhell

Husband has taken toddler to soft play so I can get some writing done & I’m getting #softplaywars updates via text 😂 This is why I don’t take her at the wkend - carnage! He really is a gem putting up with that in the name of my #WIP ❤️ #softplayhell #writingcommunity

We did soft play once last week...miraculously survived without any broken bones or losing a child (but only just!!) #softplayhell

If anyone was wondering why we were inside at #softplayhell today then here’s why. Pateley Bridge is under water. Boris’s cronies won’t provide any flood suppprt because it’s the “wrong kind of flooding.” Meanwhile he’s chilling at his estate with no interest in normal people.

The last few kids are clearing out now, and the tantrums are starting. A few kids can barely stand, which is a good effort. Ours seem ok except the odd instance of walking into tables and chairs, which is a good sign that the plan to tire them out has worked. #softplayhell

We’re close to entering the fourth hour of #softplayhell now. Surely this is a test of human endurance that no child can go through and still continue “reading” loudly until midnight? Surely I’ve done enough to guarantee 12 hours of unconsciousness?

Still, this is all likely preferable to the usual Saturday afternoon agony of the #lufc match, especially 0-0 after 40 minutes with @Kalvinphillips off and looking potentially out for a few, right when we need him most - hope he’s ok. #softplayhell

Took my laptop to soft play today in the hope of fitting in some work. No chance... it was so busy that there weren’t even any tables! #softplayhell #halfterm #freelancelifestyle

Took the kids to soft play l, I knew the consequences. I did not however plan for their to be 2 birthday parties plus the normal Saturday crowd 😖 if there is such a thing as #softplayhell then I am in the middle of it

Today is soft play day with this little monkey! #mammydaughterdate #softplayhell

Currently seeking shelter in the toilets. Absolutely no desire to use them it’s just quiet. #softplayhell