@hellpants profile picture
Martin Evans @hellpants

Filth monger. Jazz verbalist. Plus-sized hand model. Amateur sailor. Professional tit. I’ve smelt an Orcas breath.

Joined February 2009
  • Tweets 54,698
  • Following 1,266
  • Followers 7,780
3,255 Photos and videos
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Martin Evans@hellpants
19 Jul 2021
Just pulled into the anchorage for the night. Blasting Pavarotti on the speakers and it seemed to attract a little friend. Amazing little dolphin interaction.
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Just thought I’d pop in and say hello. I sailed my little boat mostly solo from Brighton up to Scotland. Arrived safely yesterday to anchor up off the Isle of Arran. It’s been an exceptional few weeks. I don’t want it to end.
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Hello. Been a while since I’ve been here. Want a little update on my life? Nope? Fair enough. See you next year then.
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Starts Twitter engine. Runs Twitter for a few minutes. Checks the Twitter oil. Turns Twitter back off and covers it with a dust sheet. See you again in a few months.
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I remember when Twitter was all fields.
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I’m back in Marseille for a wee bit. I sailed here three years ago. I’d forgotten how different it is to the rest of France. It gives me Durban vibes. It’s like you might get stabbed, but at least you got a suntan.
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You win Spain. You win everything.
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Arrived in Menorca just as sun was rising. Gorgeous place. Certainly will return here.
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Majorca is amazing. Skip Ibiza. This is my travel advice. You’re welcome.
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I should add. I saw very little of either place. But to quote “The Castle”. It’s about the vibe.
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At least random guessing is honest.
New Scientist
@newscientist
24 Aug 2024
Astrology shown to be no better than random guessing newscientist.com/article/244…
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I’ve been a massive fan since puberty.
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Pretty sure at this point that Taylor Swift isn’t going to stop touring till every single one of us have watched her live show at least twice.
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How old am I? I don’t know who the festival headliners are. Those in the small print, I’ve more chance of understanding long division than I do of knowing them. The world moves fast people. Too fast sometimes.
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This was me today. (And yesterday and a couple more thrown in till next Monday). Riding across the farmlands and war memorials of Belgium and the Netherlands. It rained for about six hours of it. Loved it.
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Given the choice. What would you rather care for?
32% A horse
68% A donkey
19 votes • Final results
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As a mark of respect to the Spanish victory, I suggest every British citizen take a week's holiday in Barcelona and thank them personally. They love tourists there.
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Left Cape Town four years ago today. Where has the time gone? Feels like I have lived nine lives in that time.
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Does anyone know Sunu Gonera? I’m desperately keen to ask this “man” a series of questions. So very very very keen to find him and you know, talk. Just talk. Just words. deadline.com/2022/10/sunu-go… #sunugonera

‘Parish’ Co-Creator/EP Sunu Gonera Out After Sexual Misconduct Investigation

Sunu Gonera has been let go from AMC Networks' series Parish, on which he was co-creator, executive produced and director.

deadline.com
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I’m in Calais. It has the charm of a sandwich made of asbestos and Vaseline. Je suis contrarié!
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Off into London to see @ChinchillaMusic EP launch tonight. Haven’t been this excited to see an artist in years. This should be pretty special.
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