Software engineer. Dad in Minnesota. A rigidly defined area of doubt and uncertainty. Professionally @twilio.
Joined December 2008
- Tweets 20,332
- Following 322
- Followers 1,260
- Likes 2,625
639 Photos and videos
30 Jul 2023
Every so often I find myself thinking of a joke and thinking “oh, that’d be good for Twitter” and then I get the feeling that I might have heard the joke before and it turns out it’s me from seven years ago.
27 Aug 2016
Disappointed that my garage heater is screwed to the ceiling, rather than being supported by nine inch nails.
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30 Jul 2023
I also have the meta-feeling that I might have said that on Twitter in the past too.
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23 Jul 2023
“I don’t like the homemade bread. I like store-bought bread!” - my 10yo, who I have raised to be some sort of culinary Philistine apparently.
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8 Jul 2023
Parents! A fun and easy thing to do with your kids is to show them where the water shutoff valve is for toilets, faucets, and the whole house. My 16yo averted potentially large flood today by acting quickly when a toilet cistern cracked when no-one else was home.
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9 Jul 2023
After removing the toilet, I realised now would be a good time to fix the caulk along the bathtub with the toilet out of the way. Removing the caulk, I found a bunch of loose tiles and cracked grout. So now my toilet replacement is also a tiling project.
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9 Jul 2023
Also a plumbing project because I figure now is a good time to replace the shutoff valve for the toilet before it fails, and again it’s easier to do with the toilet gone. I have a feeling I’m going to regret this particular decision….
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28 Jun 2023
I find myself oscillating wildly between “hypocrisy is bad, especially when expressed in legislation” and “outing people and violating their privacy is bad”. (I mean, I’m landing on the latter, because all vulnerable users need to be able to trust platforms but….)
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22 Jun 2023
Super cute: about 20 large fuzzy goslings along with a few pairs of watchful parent geese pottering around in my back yard.
Less cute: having to go out and collect pounds of giardia-infested goose poop to prevent the dogs from making really bad life choices.
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20 Jun 2023
There’s something immensely satisfying about setting up automated drip irrigation systems for my plants. The plants do well, I don’t waste water, and we don’t have to remember to water them or spend time doing it. Or asking neighbours to water when we’re gone.
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18 Jun 2023
Fifteen hour smoke and an hour rest for this pulled pork, but the end result is pretty damn good.
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11 Jun 2023
Rage Against The Machine: Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me!
My 10yo: Mom! They’re using a swear word!
My wife: It’s OK, it’s art.
RATM: MOTHERFUCKAAAAAAH!
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9 Jun 2023
Despite the complexity and flexibility of the English language, despite its centuries of evolution, despite the combined works of all its poets and playwrights and authors, there are still no words that really, truly capture the depth of my loathing for Boris Johnson.
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6 Jun 2023
For the record: I messed it up, but not so badly that I feel like I can’t fix the mess-up tomorrow.
5 Jun 2023
Me: I can’t fix this problem with the irrigation system, I shall call an expert.
Expert: We’re booked two weeks out.
Me: Suddenly I believe I can actually fix this problem if I YouTube hard enough.
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5 Jun 2023
Me: I can’t fix this problem with the irrigation system, I shall call an expert.
Expert: We’re booked two weeks out.
Me: Suddenly I believe I can actually fix this problem if I YouTube hard enough.
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5 Jun 2023
Nothing motivates quite like my wife having a book club meeting at the end of the week and a desire to have finished this landscaping project before then.
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5 Jun 2023
Looked everywhere in my garage for a tool I needed - through the piles of crap on my workbench, in the piles of stuff on the “things to organise and put away” table, even the storage boxes that it shouldn’t be in. Finally found it on the peg board where it was supposed to be.
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5 Jun 2023
At their end-of-year concert, the choir at my daughter’s high school did a rendition of “The Times They Are A Changin’” and while I’ve never been a huge Dylan fan, it’s an amazing song for a bunch of teenagers to sing at a room full of adults.
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29 May 2023
Fishing in northern Minnesota this Memorial weekend and we were joined by a pair of loons who were, I suspect, having a lot more luck than we were.
ALT In the foreground, a loon (a black and white waterbird with shiny green feathers in a ring around its neck) floats on rippled blue water. In the background, its mate is visible underwater, coming up from a dive.
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24 May 2023
John Wick 5 is looking good so far.
24 May 2023
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21 May 2023
My son, in the ER: “This was not where I was planning to be today.”
My daughter, wise beyond her years: “If your plans involve being in the ER, you should make better plans.”
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