VP of Diversity, Doofenshmirtz Evil, Inc.

Joined August 2008
870 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
26 Oct 2020
No one told me that acting like I’m rich was going to be this expensive…
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6 Feb 2025
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23 Jun 2021
I continuously get sponsored tweets for Cadillacs, Porsches and Bitcoin investments and I just want to know how rich the Twitter algorithms think I am.
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20 Jul 2023
I did it. I reached the pinnacle of demography, and I can “afford” a Rolls Royce Ghost. And it makes sense, because if I have enough money to buy a house, why would I spend it on something idiotic… like… a house? I’d take the car 100 times out of 100. $400,000, estimated
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19 Nov 2024
And finally (likely)… 24-karat gold toothpaste. Contains hydroxyapatite to help strengthen and rebuild enamel. Also contains gold, because it’s gold. AED 165 ($45) Matching toothbrush: AED 249 ($68)
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19 Nov 2024
So much Black Excellence in today’s ⁦@NYTGames⁩ Crossword. (And it’s the first time I’ve completed a Tuesday puzzle.) nytimes.com/crosswords/game/…
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5 Nov 2024
People have the choice between voting for a woman and voting for their own demise, and some of y’all are really out here like “ya know, maybe life would be better without me in it.” Unbelievable.
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5 Nov 2024
Bucks should relegate themselves back to the red and green jerseys until they figure this shit out.
5 Nov 2024
Battled.
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3 Nov 2024
The #gunflinger strikes again.
3 Nov 2024
KERBALICIOUS PICK-6 🚨🚨🚨 #DETvsGB 📺 FOX
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3 Nov 2024
Tom Brady commentary is like Tony Romo commentary overdosed on Valium. Wake me up at halftime.
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20 Oct 2024
Waitwaitwaitwaitwaitwait… where did these white Packers helmets come from?
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6 Oct 2024
*cough*
22 Oct 2023
Jordan Love consistently thinks he can throw 15 yards longer than he actually does. And it shows at least once every game.
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6 Oct 2024
This happens every game, no matter who the Bears are playing.
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6 Oct 2024
Is this the most ill-advised throw in Packers history?
DEEP TO REED! #GBvsLAR
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4 Oct 2024
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30 Sep 2024
My Verizon bill increases by $1.75 every month but somehow they can’t prevent my phone from turning into a thousand-dollar paperweight.
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30 Sep 2024
And I can do without the calls. The worst part about this? I can’t get any verification codes. I can’t do anything with my bank. Can’t check my prescription. Can’t buy a video game. Can’t even get the food I want delivered.
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22 Sep 2024
Whew… I think I dozed off for a few hours and had a dream that the @Packers had a great defense. That was wild… Anyway, how’s the game going?
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11 Sep 2024
This needs to be remembered. #Debate2024
11 Sep 2024
Hillary Clinton also won the debates against Donald Trump.
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11 Sep 2024
Why am I watching this? #Debate2024
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J! retweeted
7 Sep 2024
The Brazil anthem

ALT Jamming Jay Z GIF

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29 Jul 2024
Honestly, the Cybertruck is the best thing Tesla ever invented because it looks so ridiculous that I wouldn’t even feel pretentious buying a model 3 or a model s now.
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15 Jul 2024
Teambuilder was the biggest selling point for me to buy the deluxe edition… and I gotta wait? 🫤
Teambulder won’t be released until july 19th (via @Forbes) forbes.com/sites/brianmaziqu…
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