@jackhirschfld profile picture
Jack @jackhirschfld

I will always be there for you

Joined May 2016
  • Tweets 337
  • Following 456
  • Followers 336
62 Photos and videos
Jack retweeted
victoria@victoriapand
Apr 7
I was put on this earth to get revenge on Emily Ratajkowski’s ex husband for cheating on her... and that is why I have a dream that goes like this every night:
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me to your glam-bot. Simple. Simple as that.
Jack@jackhirschfld
Apr 7
Hey man, if I’m on a red carpet and you approach me with your ‘glam bot’ I’m putting it in an anaconda choke hold. Simple.
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scooby what that mouth doo
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Hey man, if I’m on a red carpet and you approach me with your ‘glam bot’ I’m putting it in an anaconda choke hold. Simple.
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First of my line to hit a half-court shot in peaky blinders cosplay
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how many feastables would it take to kill myself
Elizabeth Warren
@SenWarren
Apr 2
I have questions for MrBeast.
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Never question the amount of uncles I have
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I have come face to face with three cryptids in my life so far. Two of which made me horny
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I’m in the testing phase of a new Stitch design
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Got expelled from the University of Hard Knocks for practicing Thatcherism in the bathroom
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While you all attend the “No Kings” protest I’ll be attending the “No Trick-Shots” protest at the Dude Perfect Headquarters
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Yes. I am impotent and proud of it. I’m a senior card holder of the “Can’t Get It Up If There Was A Gun To My Head” club
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Jack retweeted
jill@littlefucky
Feb 12
Made a short film called: “The Chocolate Chip Cookies.” It’s about a 20-piece band kicking out an unruly member named Crumble Cake. Please watch. Thanks :)
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There's gotta be some sort of number for farmers to call when they're experiencing loss of yield. This shit getting to me. This shit too much.
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In two years there will be a Mr. Beast video titled "Last one to keep their hand on the 3D printed gun gets the quickest death"
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Waiting patiently for the perfect solar storm to turn off the lunk alarm at my planet fitness so I can sneak my lunks in through the back
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Modding the lunk alarm at this planet fitness to play Addison Rae
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It’s hard for me to put into words the impact this sex doll had in unifying my local landfill. What’s not pictured is the guys behind me in Hi-Vis high fiving and hugging each other
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Asking the other guys in this sauna if they’re cool if I dump my Juicy Couture Viva La Juicy on the rocks
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I know of a haunted pdf of Tina Fey’s Bossypants that lights Kobo e-readers on fire
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