@jasmeet profile picture
J @jasmeet

Uh. Huh.

Joined August 2006
  • Tweets 7,822
  • Following 199
  • Followers 313
674 Photos and videos
J retweeted
Emily Porter, M.D.@dremilyportermd
30 Aug 2022
I had a guy friend with a Ph.D in engineering ask me last week how women pee with a tampon in and this is why men shouldn’t be passing laws about women’s bodies.
6,815
63,257
384,987
J retweeted
Ela the Marine Layer@elamarinelayer
4 Apr 2022
Rise and shi… just kidding. No shine for you
1
6
71
J retweeted
Jack Rhysider 🏴‍☠️
@JackRhysider
13 Apr 2021
A brain is called a brain because a brain named it that.
21
28
301
J retweeted
Tim Siedell
@badbanana
9 Jan 2021
Let’s be honest. The world would be a much better place if Twitter would just go ahead and ban everyone.
19
145
812
J retweeted
The San Andreas Fault
@sanandreafault
8 Oct 2020
I can make your tests a reality
MyShake@MyShakeApp
8 Oct 2020
Friendly Reminder: MyShake will be sending a TEST alert next week, in conjunction with the Great California ShakeOut earthquake drill. When you get the test, practice how to DROP, COVER and HOLD ON! Learn more at earthquake.ca.gov @Cal_OES
2
7
J retweeted
The Dad
@thedad
20 Oct 2018
[first day as head chef at fancy restaurant] Waiter: we need a chicken cordon bleu and a leek and potato soup Me, conferring with the gerbil in my hat: yeah we can do toast and ice water
2
58
447
When you get dispatched to a loud party complaint on a Friday night and hear this song playing from the street, there’s only one way to handle the call... By the way, the residents turned off the music right after as the birthday party for their 13-year-old was ending anyway.
0:21
101
427
1,986
J@jasmeet
15 Apr 2017
you’ll be missed. Good luck. MT? Oh, you’ll be fine sunshine wise. I think the sun is brighter out there. No smog.
J retweeted
Jesus Christ
@jesus
7 Apr 2017
Godamnit
60
758
1,385
J retweeted
Election Acknowledger@dorseyshaw
30 Mar 2017
This is the best internet video I've ever seen

0:42
2,606
117,689
172,212
J retweeted
Gilberto Grape@CALMDOWNLAD
18 Dec 2016
Hahahahahahaha this is fuckin sound this
2:10
193
4,067
6,928
J retweeted
Demian Bulwa@demianbulwa
11 Jan 2017
Just your typical kayaking-through-a-home photo from Guerneville by @SantiagoMejia
6
110
125
J retweeted
Texts From Last Night
@TFLN
7 Jan 2017
(954): We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
75
338
J retweeted
Mike Rundle
@flyosity
29 Dec 2016
What if we're all waiting for 2017 and it ends up just being 2016S?
17
406
829
J retweeted
Texts From Last Night
@TFLN
25 Nov 2016
(828): Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
1
203
620
J retweeted
sarah jeong
@sarahjeong
24 Nov 2016
the turkey takes his mask off it's edward snowden obama groans, it's too late to unpardon him now
35
3,511
8,216
J retweeted
Texts From Last Night
@TFLN
20 Nov 2016
(864): sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
8
476
738
J@jasmeet
9 Nov 2016
Fuck. I think I’m shaking.
J@jasmeet
4 Nov 2016
Coming soon to a climbing gym near you. x.com/CFGScanner/status/7946…
Load more