I think my favourite World Cup live subtitling error so far has been renaming Viktor Gyökeres as Vintage Actress.

If things carry on as they are, this World Cup might be heading for a record number of long-range shots rebounding off the woodwork. #FIFA_World_Cup

Just remember this simple phrase - everything bad that is happening and has ever happened in the history of the world is entirely the fault of Elon Musk. It will save you the tiresome effort of actually thinking for yourself.

Run this through the TRANSlator Men have a right to enter single sex female spaces; they say this is what they want and I am going with it. I don’t think women have a right to single sex spaces but I don’t want to say that out loud. I am a serving MP but I don’t have a clue about what a statute is and what guidance about the statute is, or I think this performative crap is more important than anything else.

Government advisory team revealed.

When I was young I used to think you would need a reasonable level of intelligence to become an MP. 😁

Who came up with the rule that 80% of all TV ads must be filmed as if the viewer is riding a roller-coaster, or maybe hanging from a drone controlled by a drunkard?

I'm starting to wonder if all these ridiculous fake Farage posts are a cunning ploy to persuade people to cough up for the ad-free version of X. 🤔

In tribute to a classic episode of 'Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads', the next few weeks will be a repeated process of attempting to watch reruns of the overnight World Cup matches without hearing the score first. #FIFAWorldCup

Most of the X accounts supporting trans activism are bots / trolls with a tiny number of followers. Just ignore them. They hate being ignored.

If you want a quiet life, observe the first rule of social media - never offer anything less than gushing praise for a popular TV show, film, album, book, domestic appliance, type of lettuce etc.

I just supported this case! crowdjustice.com/case/why-i-… via @CrowdJustice

So many universities have become gender-cult indoctrination units. They're teaching young people to stop thinking for themselves, to fear opposing views, to regard rational thinking as a hate crime.

It's 2026 and still no-one has invented a tannin stain-resistant teacup.

It's happened at last! I've managed to open an Amazon package without the perforated cardboard strip breaking off half way across.

Voting in future elections will involve deciding which party is the least worst when it comes to misogyny, homophobia and antisemitism. Whoopee.

To the tune of The Addams Family theme: Your sister's not your brother, Your father's not your mother, You're one thing not the other. Cos sex is binary.

Don't forget, 1st July marks the start of 'Thank F*ck TQ Pride Over-Hyped Bullshit Month Is Over' month.

Whenever I think Nadia Whittome must be the most hard-of-thinking MP in the House of Commons, Stella Creasey pops into my timeline to remind me there's someone even worse.