Joined June 2009
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33,353 Photos and videos
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May 30
one time My dad caught me vaping behind the garage and made me vape a whole vape of vapes and I became the coolest kid in Vapetown
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Right now
#GeneShalit
#RonnieSchell
#PeaboBryson
are all in a hot tub in heaven withe The little lady from Poltergeist and Horshack
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I remember when my Dungeons & Dragons team won the championship
we rioted and let the air out of the book Mobile‘s tires and smoked candy cigarettes
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Just saw David Coverdale, lead singer of Whitesnake and I'll never forget what he said to me.
" Welcome to Fuddruckers, My name is Dave and I'll be your server.'
This pic has nothing to do with this post
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There is only one reason a classic rock DJ plays American Pie.
IBS.
It's irritable bowel syndrome my friend
And that’s nothing to sneeze at my friend
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Before he fell ill,
Jerry Lewis was supposed to discuss a film with Tom Cruise called The Nutty Scientologist but that name is redundant
(after I wrote this, this is how I walked around my house in victory)
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I have a hot date tonight with Siamese twins
I gotta hurry up cause they ain't gonna kiss themselves...
uh wait Um,, uh
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Why doesn't Alice Cooper just admit he's Harry Dean Stanton in a fright wig?
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I like Groucho's brother who was always paraphrasing, Quotation Marx. Ha ha ha get it? Look out #ComicsUnleashed !
The skeptical brother was Question Marx
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I wish the US was more like PerfectLand
where nothing ever goes wrong or bad happens
Oh
and The Nanny is on 4 times a day
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If you dream you are wearing a Mariachi outfit,
pretty sure
when you wake up,
you’ll be wearing a Mariachi outfit
at work at Mel’s Taco’s
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Jun 14
I ghouled my girlfriend
my friend said “don’t you mean “ghosted“
I said, did you ever see her face?
Ghoul city right there, bro
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Jun 14
I tried to build one of those Pee-wee Herman breakfast contraptions
But didn’t work right
All it did was jerk me off
Well, that’s what I told my family
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Jun 12
Lost my car keys,
Instead of Saint Anthony
I accidentally said a prayer to Michael Anthony
and he showed up & tried to sell me old VH shirts out of his trunk
He asked if I was gonna eat that last slice of three day old pizza in my trashcan
It may not have been Michael Anthony
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