11 magic therapy phrases that are useful for every conversation (and why they work):
As a therapist, I've learned to listen differently. Rather than jumping horizontally across topics, I try to dig down vertically to get to the (sometimes uncomfortable but deeply important) stuff the hides beneath the surface.
I've picked up a few phrases along the way that help with this, and I've found that they're useful far beyond therapy. Use these with your friends, partner, teammates, and even with yourself:
1) 🗯 Can you say more about that?
When it comes to emotional conversation, the first thing a person says to you is generally not what they need you to know. This phrase shows that you're present, interested, and ready to learn more.
2) 👂🏻 I think what I’m hearing is...
It's amazing how often I reflect what I think I'm hearing to someone, and it turns out I got it wrong! This phrase ensures you're on the same page and hearing what needs to be heard.
3) 🤔 What would it mean to you if...
The meaning we make of something affects us much more than the thing itself. This phrase invites a person to wonder with you - to look inward and think about what meaning they ascribe to a particular thing.
4) 💕 I imagine you might be feeling...
It's powerful to help someone name what they're feeling, and to show that you understand (and are open to) the emotional communication. This phrase also leaves room for them to say, no actually I think what I'm feeling is...
5) ❓ Does that resonate with you?
This is a great way to check in about whether or not your thoughts or advice have truly landed. It also communicates that you're willing and ready to hear if you got it wrong.
6) 🤫 [long pause to make space for more]
Silence is the most powerful conversation tool I know. You'll be amazed at what a person will share with you if you give them a bit of extra space & time to reflect and expand on what they've said.
7) 👥 You’re not alone in this.
This one might sound simple or trite, but we are so good at convincing ourselves that we ARE alone in our experiences and emotions. This simple reminder can make a true world of difference.
8) 👇 What's the question beneath the question?
Sometimes it's clear that there is more to what someone is asking. This phrase helps dig down a layer deeper.
9) 💍 I’m not married to this idea but is it possible that...
We tend to be defensive when we perceive that answers or advice are being TOLD to us rather than offered. This is a great way to offer your thoughts tentatively.
10) 🧠 What do you make of that?
I use this phrase as an invitation to reflect on why a particular thing might be. Understanding the why can unlock our ability to figure out what should happen next.
11) ✨ [nod in support without interrupting]
It can really throw off our flow when we're interrupted (even with affirmations). Show that you're present with body language instead of words.
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