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Jonny DiVito @jonnydivito

1 half of @showmeyourspodcast Find that anywhere other than Twitter. Comedian and Bath Salt Sommelier. Team Having Fun

Joined November 2019
  • Tweets 44
  • Following 55
  • Followers 16
Photos and videos
If a fella busts nut in the forest and nobody is there to see it does he still make a sound?💦🤔
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Why isn’t there a band named Dirty Panty Potpourri?
If every rapper that has Kanye’s back doesn’t come together to make a diss record called Skete Shooting then this was a waste of time. #KanyeWest #PeteDavidson #skete #KimKardashian
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You can take the ska out of the skank but you’ll never take the skank out of the ska.
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The only two genders my sister recognizes are Mayo and Doritos. -Earnest Hemingway.
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When it comes down to it the same rules apply for blow jobs and circumsision. Don’t use your teeth and you should be alright.
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If I smacked my penis against a glass bottle would the Warriors be contractually obligated to come out and play?
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Foodies Never Say Dine.
I don’t care if it’s porno or punk rock, just gimmie a wide stance and some fast down strokes.
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People will tell you to grow up then take a survey to them which Disney character they are.
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I didn’t know anything about polyamorous relationships until I found out I was in one for a year and a half.
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You can’t spell “low self-esteem and a shallow cervix” without love.
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The most interesting cause of death has to be autopsy, right?
“No diarrhea in the pool” signs are like taking your shoes off at airport security. One guy always ruins it for the rest of us.
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Jesus isn’t come back until sandals are cool again. Pre orders in the link🙏
Shower thoughts are like shower beers. You gotta take showers to have one.
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I know my real OnlyFans are the ones who say “I liked his old stuff better”.
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Why isn’t there a nerdcore band called Adverbs of Frequency?
I wanna be your friend till the end, but on my terms. Murder suicide.
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12% of people dream in Black and White. I dream in Asian and Latino.
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