all views are explicitly my employers
Joined June 2009
- Tweets 4,292
- Following 666
- Followers 1,647
- Likes 10,924
138 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
9 Mar 2020
My wife and I get corona virus. We go to Disneyland and ride California screamin. The park finds out and quarantines us on the coaster and we endlessly ride. We have kids and they grow up on the coaster. It’s all they know. This coaster is our home now. Life is beautiful.
1,302
81,405
737,483
Tanner! retweeted
30 Sep 2024
This is still the funnest tweet I’ve ever seen on this platform
96
4,842
89,645
4,349,207
25 Jan 2024
Cant believe I Gotta Feeling came out in 2009 when the stock market had totally bombed. Imagine being a parent. Job gone, retirement gone, and now you’re walking the grocery aisles, clinging to your coupons, hearing Fergie yell, 'DRANK' every time you attempt to feed your family
1
3
172
28 Nov 2023
maybe, but probably not
1
6
525
10 Oct 2023
Been a long time since an ad made me go "daaaaamn....."
10 Oct 2023
𝗔𝘁 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲𝘀, 𝗶𝘁 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗯𝗲 𝗼𝗯𝘃𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗴𝗴𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝗽𝗲, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗶𝗴𝗻𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗽𝗼𝘁.
Check in on those around you.
#WorldMentalHealthDay | #YouAreNotAlone | @samaritans
9
554
19 Sep 2023
If my legs aren’t numb then I haven’t sat on the toilet long enough
1
6
304
9 Aug 2023
When people say “Big things coming, don’t sleep on me” I’m like dude, if you let me take a little nap, I will be 100% more receptive to your start-up or sound cloud rap or whatever
1
9
229
12 Jul 2023
Vacation, trip, getting away are all different things
Vacation: Hawaii, cruises, you’re probably sunburned
Trip: could be camping, could be visiting Europe, but it can’t involve beaches
Getting Away: visiting your rich uncle Paddington on his lake house in Maine
Thoughts?
1
8
287
Tanner! retweeted
7 Jun 2023
🚨🚨 BREAKING: Lionel Messi to Inter Miami, here we go! The decision has been made and it will be announced by Leo in the next hours #InterMiami
🇺🇸 Messi will play in MLS. No more chances for Barcelona/Al Hilal despite trying to make it happen.
𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐖𝐄 𝐆𝐎
#Messi #MLS
7,617
39,359
308,199
53,376,785
31 May 2023
God grant me the serenity to accept the vibes that aren’t rootin tootin
4
202
16 Feb 2023
Going big or going home is the easiest decision of my life. Do you know what I have at home? Some delicious mild salsa. My bed is incredible. When I clap my lights turn on and off. There’s just a box full of different flavors of chips just sitting there begging to be eaten?
1
1
21
997
9 Dec 2022
intro by the xx being played throughout the stadium before this argentina netherlands PK shootout is amazing
6