6 years ago I held a gun to my head.
I'm still alive, today.
I thought I was free of depression; it feels like it most of the year.
But, there are random days...days where you live too much in your head.
Nights when your mind just runs with thoughts of all your mistakes and every "what if" you can think of.
I have learned, though, that it's not inescapable.
Even though we get lost, we get confused, angry, hopeless, and frustrated.
Awareness is the secret, for me at least.
You can't fight something you can't see.
Now that I've learned to be aware of depression, it becomes something beatable.
Not permanently, but when the demon comes. It has a face, a voice, and it most certainly has teeth.
But, with awareness, there are questions and solutions.
How do I not feel like this?
What makes me happy?
My chilldren make me happy. What can I do with my children that will put smiles on their faces?
Being a provider for my family makes me happy. What can I do for my family, today?
Building something makes me happy. What system would be be exhilarating to build?
In the end, it's interesting. It feels like fighting my demon has make me stronger than I would have been without it.
At least, I like to think of it like that.
What demons do you struggle with? How do you fight them?