Hey man. When you look back on this in 6 months, be proud of yourself. You maned up, fixed your mistakes and choices, and did your best. You bettered yourself. You'll be better off, and you grew up for the ones who love you and need you. Good job.
It's easy to be ready to fix things, open up, and upset when the other person isn't on the same page, when you aren't the one who's been hurt. You aren't the one who's begged and pleaded. That's selfish when you only feel the way you do bc of your own actions.