Photos and videos
An update on my current situation:
I've been getting a lot of medical treatment and trying to better myself in many ways. It's not been easy, some days I can't leave my bad at all, but I am doing my best.
Thanks to all the donations, we did manage to get around 500-600 USD. This helps me stay afloat a lot, so thank you everyone who donated.
Still, the medical bills are piling up, so if you can leave a dono or support me on Patreon, I'd greatly appreciate it.
So far I focused on my psychological and emotional conditions, visiting a psychiatrist and a psychologist. I'm also trying take more care of my appearance. I've been going to the gym since January, but other than that, I didn't really worry much about how I look. I always worry about how I smell tho, gotta smell divine at least.
Did a blood test a couple days ago and the nurse was even happy that my veins were visible lmao I know it's silly and just a nurse thing, but it made me happy anyway, because I know it's proof of my effort.
I dedicated myself so much to others all this time, it's time I dedicate a little bit of myself for my own well being.
My hands still shake a lot though. Didn't expect to take this long to recover from that. I can barely write my name and writing this is taking so long, I've been trying to write this post since the blood test thing lmao I feel like an old man trying to pressing one button at a time.
I hope I can recover my dexterity soon, probably gonna need another week or two if things stay like this. I'll try to do some doodles to see if it helps, so I might share them here.
Once again, thanks for all the support and messages. I love you all. Really, thank you for helping me stay afloat so far.
If you want to help out, a little dono on kofi or supporting me on patreon will do. Don't force yourself to tho, take care of yourself first!
See ya all in a few days ❤️
Oof... it's been a while since I did one of these, but... guys, I need your help.
Tl;dr: I've been having panic attacks almost everyday for almost two weeks. A lot of awful stuff happening in my life that are stopping me from working, and I would really, really appreciate it if you guys could support me on patreon or leave donations on kofi, You can find the links on my profile.
Full story:
Life has been a huge mess for me for the longest of times now. But lately I've really reached rock bottom. A lot of stuff happened on my personal life, and I simply couldn't handle the pressure anymore. Having to be the sole provider for my mom who is 70 years old, and my 47 years old sister (she is almost 20 years older than me) who has fibromyalgia, the constant conflicts, my severe ADHD and the fact that I don't have anyone to share the weight of everything with... or, worse, the only person I thought I could count on abandoning me when I needed her the most... it's too much for me to handle.
I've been having panic attacks almost everyday for the past week and a half. I lost pretty much all the dexterity on my hands and fingers because almost every time I have a panic attack my hands and fingers lock up. I started the medication, but it leaves me very apathetic, to the point of staring at the wall for many minutes many times a day. My body is completely exhausted from the constant release of adrenaline and cortisol, everything hurts so bad and the fatigue is so severe I feel like I will never feel rested again. I have so many commissions to finish and I feel awful just thinking about having to make my clients wait even more than I already did, but I am just so done with life.
I am completely alone and lost. I don't even have the energy to feel desperate anymore. I don't have have anything left, and the only person who gave me strength to keep pushing just abandoned me the first time I really collapsed, all while I did everything in my power to help her with her owns crisis. I feel truly ashamed. I feel stupid, useless, and undeserving of love. I truly reached rock bottom.
Yet I don't really want to give up, so I am coming here now to ask for you guys' help.
At this rate, I can't work at all, so while I hate asking for help, and I don't feel like I deserve anything, I am still gonna ask for you. I'd usually try to offer something in return at least, but this time I can't promise anything. Not right now, at least. But I would appreciate if you could help.
You don't need to help if you can't afford it, think about your own well being first, ok? I am just an artist, and just one more person struggling in life. I am no more deserving of life or comfort than any of you, but if you ever enjoyed my work, and wouldn't mind enjoying it more in the future, even a single dollar helps.
Life is hard, man. Being alone sucks. Everything is painful, and there isn't a single moment of peace. I am truly, completely exhausted, like never before, but like I said, I don't want to give up. I want to keep hoping I will find any shred of happiness in the future.
And it make me happy if you could help me get me back on my feet for that.
I need to sleep right now, though. I am completely out of energy, so I might have a hard time replying to anyone, but don't take it personally. All I can promise is that I will try my best to reply.
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Thank you for all your messages and support, guys. Every 100 dollars allow me to stay afloat for another week, and so far I think we reached something like 150 USD.
It's a painful period of my life, and being abandoned by the person you dedicated so much of yourself to when you need her the most on top of all of that is really the worst.
I guess being a man really just means you have no value at all if you can't carry everything on your shoulders without ever breaking, huh?
Oof... it's been a while since I did one of these, but... guys, I need your help.
Tl;dr: I've been having panic attacks almost everyday for almost two weeks. A lot of awful stuff happening in my life that are stopping me from working, and I would really, really appreciate it if you guys could support me on patreon or leave donations on kofi, You can find the links on my profile.
Full story:
Life has been a huge mess for me for the longest of times now. But lately I've really reached rock bottom. A lot of stuff happened on my personal life, and I simply couldn't handle the pressure anymore. Having to be the sole provider for my mom who is 70 years old, and my 47 years old sister (she is almost 20 years older than me) who has fibromyalgia, the constant conflicts, my severe ADHD and the fact that I don't have anyone to share the weight of everything with... or, worse, the only person I thought I could count on abandoning me when I needed her the most... it's too much for me to handle.
I've been having panic attacks almost everyday for the past week and a half. I lost pretty much all the dexterity on my hands and fingers because almost every time I have a panic attack my hands and fingers lock up. I started the medication, but it leaves me very apathetic, to the point of staring at the wall for many minutes many times a day. My body is completely exhausted from the constant release of adrenaline and cortisol, everything hurts so bad and the fatigue is so severe I feel like I will never feel rested again. I have so many commissions to finish and I feel awful just thinking about having to make my clients wait even more than I already did, but I am just so done with life.
I am completely alone and lost. I don't even have the energy to feel desperate anymore. I don't have have anything left, and the only person who gave me strength to keep pushing just abandoned me the first time I really collapsed, all while I did everything in my power to help her with her owns crisis. I feel truly ashamed. I feel stupid, useless, and undeserving of love. I truly reached rock bottom.
Yet I don't really want to give up, so I am coming here now to ask for you guys' help.
At this rate, I can't work at all, so while I hate asking for help, and I don't feel like I deserve anything, I am still gonna ask for you. I'd usually try to offer something in return at least, but this time I can't promise anything. Not right now, at least. But I would appreciate if you could help.
You don't need to help if you can't afford it, think about your own well being first, ok? I am just an artist, and just one more person struggling in life. I am no more deserving of life or comfort than any of you, but if you ever enjoyed my work, and wouldn't mind enjoying it more in the future, even a single dollar helps.
Life is hard, man. Being alone sucks. Everything is painful, and there isn't a single moment of peace. I am truly, completely exhausted, like never before, but like I said, I don't want to give up. I want to keep hoping I will find any shred of happiness in the future.
And it make me happy if you could help me get me back on my feet for that.
I need to sleep right now, though. I am completely out of energy, so I might have a hard time replying to anyone, but don't take it personally. All I can promise is that I will try my best to reply.
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Oof... it's been a while since I did one of these, but... guys, I need your help.
Tl;dr: I've been having panic attacks almost everyday for almost two weeks. A lot of awful stuff happening in my life that are stopping me from working, and I would really, really appreciate it if you guys could support me on patreon or leave donations on kofi, You can find the links on my profile.
Full story:
Life has been a huge mess for me for the longest of times now. But lately I've really reached rock bottom. A lot of stuff happened on my personal life, and I simply couldn't handle the pressure anymore. Having to be the sole provider for my mom who is 70 years old, and my 47 years old sister (she is almost 20 years older than me) who has fibromyalgia, the constant conflicts, my severe ADHD and the fact that I don't have anyone to share the weight of everything with... or, worse, the only person I thought I could count on abandoning me when I needed her the most... it's too much for me to handle.
I've been having panic attacks almost everyday for the past week and a half. I lost pretty much all the dexterity on my hands and fingers because almost every time I have a panic attack my hands and fingers lock up. I started the medication, but it leaves me very apathetic, to the point of staring at the wall for many minutes many times a day. My body is completely exhausted from the constant release of adrenaline and cortisol, everything hurts so bad and the fatigue is so severe I feel like I will never feel rested again. I have so many commissions to finish and I feel awful just thinking about having to make my clients wait even more than I already did, but I am just so done with life.
I am completely alone and lost. I don't even have the energy to feel desperate anymore. I don't have have anything left, and the only person who gave me strength to keep pushing just abandoned me the first time I really collapsed, all while I did everything in my power to help her with her owns crisis. I feel truly ashamed. I feel stupid, useless, and undeserving of love. I truly reached rock bottom.
Yet I don't really want to give up, so I am coming here now to ask for you guys' help.
At this rate, I can't work at all, so while I hate asking for help, and I don't feel like I deserve anything, I am still gonna ask for you. I'd usually try to offer something in return at least, but this time I can't promise anything. Not right now, at least. But I would appreciate if you could help.
You don't need to help if you can't afford it, think about your own well being first, ok? I am just an artist, and just one more person struggling in life. I am no more deserving of life or comfort than any of you, but if you ever enjoyed my work, and wouldn't mind enjoying it more in the future, even a single dollar helps.
Life is hard, man. Being alone sucks. Everything is painful, and there isn't a single moment of peace. I am truly, completely exhausted, like never before, but like I said, I don't want to give up. I want to keep hoping I will find any shred of happiness in the future.
And it make me happy if you could help me get me back on my feet for that.
I need to sleep right now, though. I am completely out of energy, so I might have a hard time replying to anyone, but don't take it personally. All I can promise is that I will try my best to reply.
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Can any of you show me ONE AI generated asset in any of hoyo or kuro games?
Just one. A single one. Could even be an unused random texture lost in the files. I'm waiting.
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This is such an idiotic thing to THINK, much more so to SAY.
My friend has a young girl, and she adores me. Her father is absent, and whenever I go visit, she basically treats me like her father. She wants to play with me all the time, wants my attention at all costs, asks me about things, wants me to teach her stuff, and if I don't show up for a while, she will ask her mother about me. Then, whenever I show up again, she will look at me with that glow in her eyes and be the happiest thing in the world.
Let me tell you: after a while, it's kinda difficult NOT to want to protect them like your own. I need to actively stop myself from behaving like a father because something in my brain just begins to tell me to take care of her like she is my daughter.
Apr 20
lots of strange reactions to this game. let’s clear some things up:
childless men do not have paternal instincts the way that childless women have maternal instincts (we observe this even in the way little girls play vs. little boys).
men first experience paternal instincts once they have their own children - and typically, those paternal instincts are only ever felt for their own children, and no one else’s.
men are not nurturers. men don’t gush over cute kids in public. men don’t have baby fever. if a man wants to possess a child for any reason other than it being a product of his own lineage, he is likely a predator.
and you’d be taking the feminist/radical gender abolitionist position to protest any of the above points.
this should explain why a “dad simulator” game marketed to mostly childless men gives people the creeps.
Community note
Research shows childless men experience broodiness and desire for fatherhood nearly as often as childless women (59% vs. 63%), and men, including non-parents, exhibit innate caregiving and protective responses to infants. menshealthforum.org.uk/men-without-ch… lithub.com/paternal-insti…
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Piracy became a big topic on my feed again, so I feel compelled to share my experience:
I became an artist because of NieR: Automata. Everyone knows it. At the time, I was in such a desperate situation that I had simply given up. I didn't have any hopes for anything, so I locked myself in my room and was just waiting to die.
I had heard a lot about NieR for a while, so it popped into my mind one day, and I decided to check it out. Of course, I barely had money to eat, so what did I do? Yep, I pirated it. And it was the best thing I ever did.
It changed my life forever. I dedicated myself to a lost passion because of my love for NieR. I wanted to capture those emotions again in the forn of paintings and share it with others. And I did it. I grew fast on social media because it resonated with people. It allowed me to make a living off of my work, and I am still here, after 5 years, making art.
I purchased the game, of course, with the money of my first few commissions. I had people tell me they bought the game because of my art. That it was the best thing they ever did.
It couldn't have happened without piracy.
And while I'm still too busy to actually progress with the stories I am writing, you can bet your ass that every story, manga, light novels and pretty much whatever else I release is gonna be free, or at the very least, I won't give a shit if people pirate it. Because at the end of the day, if it's good enough and it's available for them, people will reach out to me and support my work. As they always did.
I'm not rich. Far from it, in fact. I could be more business minded and do everything in my power to exploit and manipulate people into giving me money. But I won't do it because I want as many people to be able to enjoy my art as possible, and I will appreciate it even more when people still choose to support me anyway.
Because if your work is free and people still choose to give you money, that's when you know you made something that truly matters.
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Just gonna let you guys know that I'm gonna make a Diana and Hugh painting that will be my return to the printing scene cause I absolutely must put a canvas print in my house and I believe some of you will feel the same lol
What... what is this feeling inside me? It can't be... It's like... I wanna protecc... it's like... I want to be a... a... DAD...
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Someone donated me 500 USD on kofi, and I am completely speechless.
It feels like whenever I am on my lowest, on the verge of giving up, even if I don't say anything, someone comes to my rescue. Be it with words of appreciation, admiration, with commissions, with small donations or big ones like this.
I am truly grateful that my art can reach so many people and be impactful enough to make them want to support me.
It was an anonymous donation (as in, they used a guest account to make the dono), so I am not gonna disclose the name, but know that I am truly grateful for the support, and know that it helps me immensely.
I hope I can keep making art that all of you can enjoy, and I hope it can keep making an impact on you guys, even if it's to steal a little smile (or a little monkey neuron activation) on those bad days.
❤️
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Oh thank god, I thought it was just me who was losing followers by the thousands and I was like
"Damn... my art is really garbage huh?"
Apr 8
Lost 7k followers in the last 5 days LMFAOO
I know they are bots but that is actually just wild💀
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