co-author of HEY LADIES! & writer/director on other stuff too. I also wrote “pesto is the quiche of the eighties.” michellemarkowitz@gmail
Joined May 2009
- Tweets 16,544
- Following 806
- Followers 4,146
- Likes 9,266
1,978 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
17 May 2016
My friend is in labor and just texted me back right away but one time a dude took 12 hours cause "work got a little cray"
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14 Dec 2024
This is what it’s like swiping on bumble when your age range is 32-45
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8 Mar 2024
When youve spent your career in public service, but thanks to tonight’s shout out will only be known for the bill about outlawing when pretzel companies have less pretzels in the bags than before (which should be ILLEGAL, btw) #SOTU2024
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29 Nov 2023
Spotify is really making me skip forward on Michael Buble on every Christmas mix
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25 Oct 2023
I have 12 weeks until I can read the Britney Spears book. Can someone please tell me if she says anything about the dance off with JT I’ve been thinking about since 2005??
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4 Oct 2023
I just realized I’m one Stella D’oro breakfast treat away from becoming my grandmother
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31 May 2023
This is the most excited I’ve felt about a woman changing her mind since Shiv
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28 Feb 2023
Larry David has always seemed so old but whenever I watch a really old episode of Curb I realize how young-old he used to look compared to now
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Michelle Markowitz retweeted
9 Feb 2023
It’s time for my annual re-reading of the “hey ladies” series on @TheToast the book. Bless @CarolineMoss and @michmarkowitz for this awful, amazing creation
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11 Jan 2023
Austin Butler is speaking like he grew up in Memphis in the 30s but I just googled and he’s from Anaheim?! Cmon dude
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11 Jan 2023
It’s really different to both watch the Golden Globes and also read every take on Spare at the same time but I will!!
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11 Jan 2023
As a connoisseur of sideburns on TV actors I had a crush on during the years 1990-1999, these are 10/10
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11 Jan 2023
Every time the camera goes to Brad Pitt, I shake my head like “he’s still got it” like my mom and aunts in the 90s about Robert Redford
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22 Nov 2022
Cooking something with flour in it really makes me realize how much I touch my boobs in the course of normal life
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20 Nov 2022
I love when a friend sends you a trying on the outfit selfie but I could really do without their sexy selfie face
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18 Nov 2022
I think I speak for all elder millennials when I say that it seems like your options are either stay on zombie twitter or starting a mastodon and being the old guy at the club
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8 Nov 2022
I’m really going to miss twitter. It led to some of the most exciting opportunities that changed my career and also, you know, a lot of mini relationships with non committal dudes
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