oki ima start tracking cals again, even though that makes me super neurotic abt what i eat and makes me crash out way worse i think i need that in my life rn bc i am NOT LOSING SHITTTT
i always try to quit addictions by adding another one i deem better for me but that's lead me to replace everything with nicotine and now im smoking cigs, vaping, and using zyns every single day. dude im so cooked
i always try to quit addictions by adding another one i deem better for me but that's lead me to replace everything with nicotine and now im smoking cigs, vaping, and using zyns every single day. dude im so cooked
i've been clean for awhile and i still think abt doing it alll the time but if i take a single step towards doing it im like "you're an adult get a grip go get drunk and chain smoke like a normal person this is so cringe" doesn't stop me from relapsing but still
i just had to call 4 different doctors offices, both my parents, leave one voicemail, and book 2 appointments, and i didn't have a full anxiety attack doing it LETS FUCKING GOOO i'm such an adult
how to stop yearning for the absolute worse feeling, emotion, or experience in your life to happen again even tho it was literal hell to get through but it's better than being mentally stable bc that makes you uncomfortable? no glue no borax ty
i look back on bleeding out on my floor at 14 or waking up in the psych ward with no memory of the last day with fond memories when in reality it was absolute anguish but in my mind that's how i'm SUPPOSED to feel like all the time
having tourette's and addictions is so shit bc if you stop doing any of them it makes your tics hell and makes you want to kys MORE so you have to go back to addictions
i'm my therapists first patient with like an ed and tourette's and other shit so many sessions end with her going "yknow what. i gotta research on that and get back to you" 😭