just a mischief of rats in a trench coat • I don’t check my DMs 🧑🏼🦯
Joined November 2020
- Tweets 292
- Following 257
- Followers 1,014
- Likes 35
9 Photos and videos
21 Dec 2024
I really need @Delta @DeltaCustBroma to explain how I can book tickets and confirm a pet reservation in JULY, and then be told at the check in desk that there is no more room for pets on our flight. Agent claimed it’s first come first served AT THE AIRPORT?
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13 Aug 2024
Love Jenn speaking up for what she needs and deserves in a relationship, but Sam M got off way too easy. Strand him in the desert or on a glacier or somewhere with no mirrors he can flex into.
@annahossnieh @ArdenMyrin #WYATR
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13 Aug 2024
Sam M was actually a failed experiment by production in which a lifelike animatronic was given a ChatGPT voice box that was trained solely on Bachelorette teaser snippets. The PA responsible has been fired. @annahossnieh @ArdenMyrin #WYATR
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9 Jun 2023
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NPR Tiny Desk retweeted
8 Dec 2022
Usually I'm against celebrities being cast as voice actors just to have a name attached, but seeing Cate Blanchett cast in Del Toro's Pinocchio, as the monkey, who does not talk and just makes monkey noises the whole time, is extremely fucking funny
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NPR Tiny Desk retweeted
12 Nov 2022
10 years since this life changing moment
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NPR Tiny Desk retweeted
6 Nov 2022
Daylight Saving Time is increasingly hard to notice when my digital are devices are like, "What? Nothing happened. We know what time it is."
And my stove is left blinking and screaming, "IT HAPPENED! TIME SHIFTED UNNATURALLY! THEY'RE ALL LYING! ONLY I KNOW! ONLY I REMEMBER!"
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NPR Tiny Desk retweeted
4 Nov 2022
Lower class: wife doesn’t work
Middle class: wife works
Upper middle class: wife doesn’t work
Upper class: wife runs a small business that loses $10k/month
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3 Nov 2022
And Google Wave!!
2 Nov 2022
Here me out…Google Plus.
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NPR Tiny Desk retweeted
2 Nov 2022
I went to gay loser land and they said you’re like a God to them
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28 Oct 2022
Nothing like hopping on Twitter to see a bunch of newly emboldened antisemites 💀
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NPR Tiny Desk retweeted
29 Sep 2022
marjorie taylor greene, who voted against gay marriage two months ago because it’s a sin, is now getting divorced from her husband after cheating on him with the manager of her gym
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25 Sep 2022
I changed into my All Terrain @Crocs for my first dance with my wife and my sport strap broke off 💀😭 What’s a gal to do? Still rocked them for the whole night 🐊
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