I need your opinion. Am I crazy?
I know snooping is wrong. I know I have trust issues. I'm already in individual therapy and we're in couples therapy, so I'm fully aware of my side of this.
My husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for 6, with kids and an overall loving marriage.
Earlier this year, he started a new job and became close friends with two female coworkers. One in particular gave him nicknames and texted him outside work just to chat. It made me uncomfortable.
Back in March, I got insecure and checked his phone. I admitted it immediately afterward. I didn't find anything that looked like cheating, but I did tell him I wasn't comfortable with the overly personal dynamic.
Fast forward to this week.
Something felt off. One day he got a text and quickly flipped his phone over. Another time he told me he was checking something for work, but he was clearly texting someone casually.
So yes... I snooped again.
This time I found a few things that bothered me:
• He lied about these women asking him to hang out.
• He told me he was too busy to talk during work, but was texting and joking with them throughout the day.
• He deleted a conversation with the woman who already made me uncomfortable.
What bothered me most wasn't one specific text. It was the overall dynamic.
Lots of teasing, nicknames, texting early in the morning and immediately after work. At one point she even told him she had a dream about him.
It felt emotionally intimate.
When I confronted him, he got angry that I snooped again. Fair enough.
But he also said I was being controlling because I wasn't comfortable with this friendship dynamic.
To be clear, I don't care if he has female friends.
My issue is:
• Flirty nicknames
• Crush-like teasing
• Deleting messages
• Lying about interactions
He says nothing is going on and even recovered the deleted messages to show me, but by that point it wasn't about catching him.
It was about feeling disrespected and emotionally sidelined.
Am I overreacting?
Or would this dynamic make you uncomfortable too?