ruin me twitter š¤
Joined July 2011
- Tweets 7,195
- Following 685
- Followers 413
- Likes 3,069
976 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
28 Mar 2019
If we have to watch your engagement/wedding play out on social media, itās only right that your divorce will too. Fair is fair. I donāt make the rules!!!
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9 Aug 2019
Relevant again
26 Mar 2018
The only way you can cancel an Equinox Gym Membership is by changing your name and leaving the country.
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27 Jul 2019
Me: Drunk. Disheveled. Sprinting to my gate.
Vogue Magazine:
27 Jul 2019
Looking to elevate your airport style game? vogue.cm/Diol7sF
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patrick hilgart retweeted
18 May 2019
it absolutely sickens me that someone at a graduation ceremony somewhere is calling me a proud alumni without my permission
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10 May 2019
I wish I was a dog so I could just lay around all day and people tell me how cute I am
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patrick hilgart retweeted
28 Apr 2019
Making new friends as an adult is hard because I donāt want them.
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22 Apr 2019
Me out of college 5 years later: dk if Iāll ever pay off college.
College: Hey jw if we can have some more money to give us for no reason?
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22 Apr 2019
I hate to brag but my Instagram post is doing 95% percent better than my recent posts
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22 Feb 2019
I stopped smoking weed and transformed from āpiece of shitā to ācomplete asshole.ā
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16 Feb 2019
You can fuck me over a million times and Iāll forgive you, but if you unfollow me on instagram youāre dead to me.
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7 Feb 2019
Just spent a half hour perfecting a very thoughtful email and I got a response back within minutes that read:
āI know... thanks...ā
well FUCK YOU TOO!
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5 Feb 2019
If it wasnāt for Facebook how would I know the birthday of someone I got acid from at a music festival 10 years ago??
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20 Jan 2019
I will like any selfie I see even if it sucks idk Iām just generous in that way
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16 Jan 2019
Dog owners: imagine if you were trying to take a shit while someone who claims to love you was choking you by your neck.
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1 Jan 2019
I feel like I can relate with Jesus Christ because after this holiday season my body is now also made of bread.
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14 Dec 2018
Iām guessing people who ālove winterā probably donāt have seasonal back acne.
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