Literally everyone who follows me is a psychopath

@repeatedfails Mississippi

Heck yeah it's Saturday

Lady Deathstrike

I'm having a swinger's party at my mansion tonight

Once again the weather channel has lied to me about thunderstorms today I can't express my anger

“Uhhh, yeah I just didn’t work for 12 years.”

When my job interviewer asks why there is a twelve year gap in my work history

I attached rockets to the back of my bicycle and they accidentally launched me through the third floor windows of a federal building

I forgot what I was gonna tweet because I spilled my drink I bet it was gonna be GREAT

Just spent $3,500 on stuffed crust pizza

Just keep calm and dance. 🐻

Ever wondered what it’s like to live in two countries at once? 🇳🇱🇧🇪 In the quirky town of Baarle, the Netherlands and Belgium share a 450 km border that doesn’t care about your address—or your front door! This borderline literally splits houses, streets, and even cafes in two. Imagine cooking dinner in Belgium while watching TV in the Netherlands, or stepping over the line just to grab the mail. The little crosses on the ground (like in this pic) mark where one country ends and the other begins—talk about a neighborly divide! Who needs a passport when you can just shuffle a few feet to the left? 🏘️✨ #BorderLife #NetherlandsBelgium #BaarleBizarre

Flying a drone into random stranger's faces

Wearing my skeleton costume to get my new license

Selling You A Brand New Car.

Don't mind me, just watching the best horror movie of all time

My school had a wasp nest at the bottom of a slide when I was a kid I was stung to death, they should have fixed it

"A watched pot never boils" Or smokes itself 😂😂🤣🤣 Follow me for more jokes about pot