Writer / Producer. jborns@gmail.com
Joined June 2008
- Tweets 26,648
- Following 963
- Followers 9,696
- Likes 44,906
1,112 Photos and videos
5 Dec 2025
It finally happened. I saw a shirt I really wanted and it was for dogs.
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5 Dec 2025
I chose the worst possible handle for someone who doesn't want to interact with AI bros.
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1 Aug 2025
I wrote some helpful nutrition advice
1 Aug 2025
"Of course you can still eat other things you enjoy like fruits, pastas, and even brownies. As long as those fruits, pastas, and brownies are made from a slurry of broken-down animal parts and molded into the shapes of those respective foods." mcsweeneys.net/articles/you-…
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17 Dec 2024
The haters said I'd never post another stranger's diary video but youtu.be/qu69KO-lOeg
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15 Sep 2024
Is it bad that the guy making my chipotle called me a "trooper" because of my order?
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10 Sep 2024
I have a very particular set of skills. (Seeing food spilled on the sidewalk and knowing with 100% certainty when it's Chipotle)
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8 Sep 2024
I love being in a loud restaurant with bad acoustics because you can say "yum yum yum" out loud and no one will hear you.
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4 Sep 2024
I just saw a woman walking down the street with green hair and a black and white striped shirt. Was she going for Beetlejuice or did she have no idea? It kills me that I will never know.
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29 Aug 2024
I help my community all the time. I hit one spotted lantern fly with my car.
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30 Jul 2024
After a day at the beach I expect to look like a sexy, windswept swimsuit model but I just look like someone who went through a difficult experience.
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7 Jul 2024
The Seine? Ohhhhh you mean Poop River.
15 Jun 2024
Unsafe levels of E. coli found in Paris' Seine River less than 2 months before Olympics apnews.com/article/paris-oly…
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28 Jun 2024
Today I heard a gen Z say "like studio 54 in the 80s" and it was a stark reminder that younger generations weren't forced to get a cultural education from VH1 at 11 years old.
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Joanna Borns retweeted
26 Jun 2024
"Let’s get down to the facts. Four out of five doctors think that you’re repulsive."
mcsweeneys.net/articles/intr…
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