᛫ᚹ᛫ᚱ᛫ᛗ᛫ᛘ᛫ᛚ᛫ᛁ᛫ᛢ᛫
Joined June 2009
- Tweets 1,349
- Following 127
- Followers 138
- Likes 558
215 Photos and videos
25 Dec 2020
Hey folks here's my impression of a guy who's wet the bed on Christmas day:
"oh no I've wet the bed and it's Christmas day"
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29 Nov 2019
Just settled into a 4 hour train journey and was about to start a film when suddenly a gaggle of rowdy drunk women plonk themselves in all the seats around me and proceed to say "sorry in advance for the noise"
Guess the film can wait then
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13 Jan 2019
Features of moving into an empty flat:
- washing hair with shower gel
- sleeping under dressing gown
- making toast in a pan
- brushing my teeth with a cactus
- discovering the wheel
- growing legs and leaving the ocean
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4 Jan 2019
I'd be far more inclined to pay my tax if the custom of payment was to drop a big bag of gold in front of the Queen or something
25 Sep 2018
"I'm going to cut off your head now"
"Fair enough"
I drew Mimir. Here's his head
@SonySantaMonica #godofwar
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25 Sep 2018
Just in an Uber being driven by a bloke called Jihad, and he's popped on a CD called "Romantic Relaxing Sensual Music"
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22 Aug 2018
Just on the train again. A woman just sniffed her baby's arse and said "have you shat?"
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12 Aug 2018
On a 2.5 hour @ScotRail train to Glasgow sitting on the floor as there were no seats. Then the train staff offered me a seat in first class as there were a few available in there. Well done ScotRail -- take note @VirginTrains, this is how you deal with congestion
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14 Jul 2018
Glad to see someone's finally putting their foot down about those speeding child drivers
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14 Jul 2018
- Screaming of an incomprehensible crude language
- Cackling and wheezing
- Alcohol spilled on multiple surfaces
- A worrying amount of trump-tanned flesh on show stuffed into clothes three sizes too small
Ahh yes, just another birthday party on the quiet coach in Britain
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14 Jul 2018
Update:
"Oh girls it feels like we're in Benidorm again doesn't it?! Shall I play the playlist? Come on girls let's do it!"
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14 Jul 2018
2 interesting things that have happened on my 6 hour train so far:
- watched a woman tan an entire can of pringles in a few minutes
- the entirety of my metal filling just fell out
Not even 1 hour in, who knows what awaits me in hour no. 2
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27 Jun 2018
As an avid fan of Norse and Celtic folklore, this playthrough of Hellblade has been made even more astounding. Thank you @NinjaTheory , you've won
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16 Jun 2018
My beautiful budgie and dear friend Jim passed away yesterday. You might think it's mental being affected by the death of something so small, but if you've ever owned one you'll know how much of a hole they leave when they go. This one's for you Jim the Budge, love ya x
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28 Apr 2018
Quick stop in a lovely local toilet on the way to play Carradale Music Fest tonight!
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