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Brianna Bond @sarcasmically

Financial advisor for digital agencies, Diet Coke enthusiast, unapologetic horse girl, @markjaquith fan club president.

Joined March 2008
  • Tweets 46,216
  • Following 525
  • Followers 2,038
1,273 Photos and videos
My dear spouse, three beers deep while we’re at a sports bar and some nerd shit is just announced: “NO LIKE THIS IS HUGE. IT’S DOCKER FOR MAC.”
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Invited dev husband to new repo in GH for house projects. LOL he's toast. Don't know why it took me ten years to figure this out. Issue Issue Issue
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Spouse and I pulled up to a restaurant. I saw our adult daughter’s car in the parking lot. I said “let’s pretend to not see her so she can decide if she wants to say hi or not; I’m not trying to interrupt her night.” I got out the car and she was already running at me through the parking lot screaming MAMAAAAAA *while* FaceTiming me. 🥹🥹🥰🥰
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I’m pretty proud of myself because two years ago I was mortified of snakes. But I forced myself to learn lots about them as exposure therapy. And today I found a sick pet ball python dumped in the woods, and picked him up and got him to a rehabber.
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Damn he knows me too well :c
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They have 20 acres but they want to hang out with me.
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Pretend you’re having coffee and looking out at the foggy farm. Nothing is broken (yet), you’re not covered in mud (yet), and you’re looking at the ghosts of oaks.
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When my spouse says he got me a fun gift I am scared, but not because he’s bad at gifts. It’s because I am scared of fun.
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You might see this and think it is idyllic, peaceful. You would be wrong. This is a 1,200 pound toddler metaphorically fighting naptime.
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In your 40’s you will find yourself having crazy Saturdays like this one where you babysit your grandkitten
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The hottest my husband has ever been was when I asked him to translate President Bartlet’s Latin rant at God in Two Cathedrals as Bartlet spoke it, and he did 🥵
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I think about the heated seats in my previous car in the way that movies portray someone thinking about “the one that got away”

ALT Sad Thinking GIF
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The Robinson Effect: wherein my husband spends a lot of time watching The Chair Company and then just acts weird af for a few days
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You: accountant Friend: not accountant, gets hung up on by the IRS
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I’ve been scraping duck shit off things for five hours and you know, sometimes you just have to stop and portrait-mode-romanticize farm chores so you don’t hate it.
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“It’s available to stream on Fubo, Sporkle, or Yammit.” “Never say any of those words to me again.”
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In order to live more like my role model, Leo Thomas McGarry, I've spent the last year raising my cholesterol to slightly unhealthy levels
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The yearning I have for my hot tub after ten days of living at the farm AND having COVID is… X-rated
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Farm experiment “ducks” is a total failure, for the record. I mean they are cute and I love them but their eat-bugs:shit ratio is like 1:20 and it’s not worth it
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