You know what’s funny about life?
Sometimes you want something so badly that you pour everything you have into it. Your time, your energy, your thoughts….everything. You stay up thinking about it, you make plans around it, you sacrifice for it and you keep showing up even when nobody sees the effort behind the scenes.
And in the beginning, it’s hard. Of course it is. I mean, nothing worth having ever starts off easy. So you tell yourself to be patient. You tell yourself that every successful person probably felt this way at some point. You keep going because you believe that one day all the hard work will make sense.
Then slowly, little things start happening. The small wins, the kind of moments that make you think, “Maybe this is finally it.” I’m actually going to make it. Maybe all those hours weren’t wasted. Maybe things are finally turning around for my good like I’ve been singing.
So naturally, you get very excited about the future. You allow yourself to dream a little bigger. You start imagining what life could look like if everything falls into place. You become hopeful. You smile more. You stop doubting yourself for a moment because for the first time in a long time, things seem to be finally moving in the right direction.
Then life does what life sometimes does. Out of nowhere, something changes. Sometimes it’s one phone call, an email, one wrong decision or even something completely out of your control.
And suddenly everything that looked so promising starts slipping away. The excitement disappears, the plans disappear…..your hope is gone.
And you’re left sitting there wondering why you allowed yourself to believe in it so much. You start replaying every moment you got excited. Every time you told yourself it was working. Every time you imagined the outcome. Every time you celebrated a small milestone.
And part of you feels embarrassed for even believing.
Like, who asked you to get your hopes up? Who were you kidding? What exactly made you think things would be different this time?
It’s a horrible feeling because the disappointment isn’t just about losing the thing itself. It’s about losing the version of the future you had already started building in your mind.The future where everything finally made sense.
The future where all the hard work paid off. The future where you could finally breathe and say, “It was worth it.”
And when that future disappears, it feels like you’re grieving something that never even got the chance to exist. Not a lot of people understand it and it’s fine.
Oh then somehow, you’re back at the beginning again, trying to convince yourself to keep believing in a future that has disappointed you more than once because let’s be real here…. you don’t have a choice.
Some days that’s easy. Other days, like today, it just feels…. impossible.