Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees. $30 per seat per month. $1.4 million annually. I called it "digital transformation." The board loved that phrase. They approved it in eleven minutes. No one asked what it would actually do. Including me. I told everyone it would "10x productivity." That's not a real number. But it sounds like one. HR asked how we'd measure the 10x. I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards." They stopped asking. Three months later I checked the usage reports. 47 people had opened it. 12 had used it more than once. One of them was me. I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds. It took 45 seconds. Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations. But I called it a "pilot success." Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail. The CFO asked about ROI. I showed him a graph. The graph went up and to the right. It measured "AI enablement." I made that metric up. He nodded approvingly. We're "AI-enabled" now. I don't know what that means. But it's in our investor deck. A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT. I said we needed "enterprise-grade security." He asked what that meant. I said "compliance." He asked which compliance. I said "all of them." He looked skeptical. I scheduled him for a "career development conversation." He stopped asking questions. Microsoft sent a case study team. They wanted to feature us as a success story. I told them we "saved 40,000 hours." I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up. They didn't verify it. They never do. Now we're on Microsoft's website. "Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot." The CEO shared it on LinkedIn. He got 3,000 likes. He's never used Copilot. None of the executives have. We have an exemption. "Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction." I wrote that policy. The licenses renew next month. I'm requesting an expansion. 5,000 more seats. We haven't used the first 4,000. But this time we'll "drive adoption." Adoption means mandatory training. Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches. But completion will be tracked. Completion is a metric. Metrics go in dashboards. Dashboards go in board presentations. Board presentations get me promoted. I'll be SVP by Q3. I still don't know what Copilot does. But I know what it's for. It's for showing we're "investing in AI." Investment means spending. Spending means commitment. Commitment means we're serious about the future. The future is whatever I say it is. As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

$teva $unh $cnc $hum $lly pharmacy is back?

$Johnson & Johnson ​senate turning down RFK Jr's nomination will send this to $160​. @unusual_whales @eWhispers @DeItaone

But they voted for him 🤣🤣

Didn't follow the trial, so I'm not sure what's going on, yet this is hilarious.

Has OPEC lost pricing power over crude markets? Optimistic global demand statements from the group contradict this "possible" bearish delayee output hike

AXIOS REPORTER RAVID: ISRAEL'S NETANYAHU TO HOLD DISCUSSION WITH MINISTERS REGARDING CONTACTS FOR POLITICAL SETTLEMENT TO END WAR IN LEBANON

Saudi Arabia Crown Prince, Mohammed Bin Salman calls for Benjamin Netanyahu to be held criminally responsible for crimes against Palestinians He called for an end to illegal the occupation and recognition of “State of Palestine” with 1967 borders and Jerusalem as its capital.

OIL PRICES DROPPED OVER 5% AS ISRAELI STRIKES ON IRAN TARGETED ONLY MILITARY SITES, SPARING OIL FACILITIES, WHICH ALLOWED IRAN’S OIL OPERATIONS TO REMAIN UNAFFECTED.

Folks love $oxy Buffet teaches us you only need three or four longterm stock winners to erase losses. $Oxy isn't one of these winners.

No case for oil bulls? - Every major war was followed by a recession. When the war lasted too long the recession happened during the war. - We are still learning about the impact of proxy wars! What if Israel and Iran are proxies? - We are still learning the impact of trade war against China - All the above the energy transition are inflationary My fear is that we are in for a long period of slow economic growth accompanied by inflation. The only reason why oil prices will not decline to the $30s/$40s is OPEC cuts!

🇨🇳 China Bans Exports of Some Rare-Earth Processing Technologies China accounted for more than two thirds of mined rare earths last year, and still hosts about 85% of global refining capacity, according to US government figures. The country also dominates supply of rare-earth magnets, the main product deployed in manufactured goods. bloomberg.com/news/articles/…

So Alabama winning against Auburn by a dog's hair follicle was the elite message the committee needed to bump 13‐0 #FloridaState smh

SNAPCHAT $SNAP SAYS IT NOW HAS 750 MILLION MONTHLY ACTIVE USERS

My Favorite Stock Market Movies:🎬 1. The Big Short 2. Margin Call 3. Wall Street 4. Trading Places 5. The Inside Job 6. Rogue Trader 7. The Wizard of Lies 8. Barbarians at the Gate 9. The Wolf of Wall Street (Comedy) 10. Too Big to Fail What's your #1 favorite?

92% of student loan debt is owned by the federal government but apparently the federal government doesn’t have the right to reduce it? Oh please. Conservative judges are judicial activists who make shit up to fuck over poor people. Thankfully this will be appealed

Skymark Airlines plans to modernize its fleet by adding as many as 12 Boeing 737 Max jets, while the once-bankrupt discount carrier will also list on the Tokyo Stock Exchange next month trib.al/k7L6XjN

BREAKING: Vermont votes “yes” on Proposal 5, a ballot measure that amends their state constitution to add a right to “personal reproductive autonomy” trib.al/5mquAk7

Woke/cancel culture is valid? employers/companies who represent our purchasing power will remove an ad, or fire a person publicaly due to an obscenity,lie or crime. However, extremist Republicans are winning seats in #Midterms2022. How can the two exist #secretsocieties

This is funny lol