Author of Cigerets, Guns & Beer, Raising Hell and The Worst Noel on Kindle, Nook and iBooks.
Joined January 2015
- Tweets 123,316
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- Followers 1,643
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Pinned Tweet
18 Feb 2022
A showdown between the world's most clueless detective and most sophisticated AI.
The worlds first novel for Twitter, now revised and on sale in pocket paperback.
amazon.com/dp/1732997306
#fiction #NOIR #scifi #darkhumor #humor #TweetNovel
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Contributed Tweets for Phillip T Stephens are provided by minimum wage stoners reading messages from tea leaves and riffing until they can type.
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The agent drove Tad and Sue to a sandpit. “Each home starts at a half mil, but we need your deposit now.”
Sue said, “Am I missing something?”
Tad said, “You have to picture it, honey.”
“You said that about your penis before I married you. Not falling for that twice.” #TwtStory
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Bob and Kate sat at the kitchen table to sign the mortgage. The broker asked how much insurance they wanted.
Bob said, “Just what the bank requires.”
Their drunk son crashed through a window. Their daughter chased a cat with a shotgun.
“What’s your largest policy?” #TwtStory
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Sally dropped her jaw when she saw their house. “This is a joke right?”
“It’s our home.”
“It’s barely 1000 square feet. And cost $9 million!”
“It’s Hollywood. Beats Sioux Falls.”
She called an Uber. “I can find a bigger apartment back there. And not share it with you.” #TwtStory
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When the fire engines pulled out of the driveway, Jen said, “Well, at least we have insurance.”
Jack stared at the street saying nothing.
“You did get insurance?”
Jack looked at the sunset.
Jen dialed her lawyer. “I told you. Smoke in my house, you better insure it.” #TwtStory
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Bob dropped his briefcase and wandered into the living room. He tripped on a Hot Wheel and collapsed against a LEGO Star Wars set. Someone painted on the walls with shit. “It looks like a hurricane blew through.”
His wife said, “I warned you. Kids or a clean house.” #TwtStory
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#TwtStory Upcoming: Five tweet stories on the subject: Home ownership
Is it possible to protest the use of shameful words as a tool to shame others?
The power of shameful words and the problems with policing them.
medium.com/backyard-theology…
medium.com/backyard-theology…
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Contributed Tweets for Phillip T Stephens are provided by unemployed philosophy PhDs who spend their break time arguing whether this new hell in which we live is real or a construct.
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Bob was a die-hard Giants fan. He wore Giants merch and drove a blue car with red and white trim. Jen was a die-hard Cowboys fan. She kept a shrine to Troy Aikman. Their love endured until the teams met in the playoffs. Now they’re happily married to two other people. #TwtStory
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Frankie and Johnny loved each other. Problem was, their families were still feuding over a slight no one remembers. At the wedding his Uncle John dissed her Aunt Mary. The guns started firing. Only Frankie and Johnny survived. Heirs to both families’ money. Smart plan. #TwtStory
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The good citizens of Epstein island raised the alarms when word spread shepherd Billy spent his nights sleeping with his favorite ewe. They could tolerate pedophilia, but beastiality? They caught him red-handed, keeping the ewe warm until she recovered from pneumonia. #TwtStory
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Gray tentacles with suckers engorged wrapped Mimi’s shoulders and crept down her voluptuous cleavage and into her skimpy dress. They kissed a kiss so passionate readers were disappointed to discover the book was about middle-aged Mimi struggling to run her octopus farm. #TwtStory
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It was true love. Space pilot Dan and the exotic Venusian Serita. His buddies warned him it would never work, but he knew their love was written in the stars. Written in the stars until Dan discovered that, once they dropped, the male spent nine months nesting the eggs. #TwtStory
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#TwtStory Upcoming: Five tweet stories on the subject: Forbidden love…
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Advantage to writing a #TwtStory No. 5: Focus your writing skills by communicating only what's essentail. Join me with 270 character stories using the x/bsky neutral tag
#TwtStory
#AmWriting #writers #write #MicroFiction #fictionwriter #writerswednesday
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Stop the media takeover by far right billionaire. I just wrote a @theactionnet letter: Stop Paramount Mega-Media Monopoly. Write one here: actionnetwork.org/letters/st…
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After the lawsuits were settled and event producer Slick Gladhand was sentenced to 15 years for criminal negligence, he finally admitted blindfold knife throwing was too extreme for the first Extreme Special Olympics.
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