When someone you really really love gone forever because of death, it will leave a strange hollow feeling within yourself.
At first or second year, I tried to figure out how to fill out that hollow feeling. Nothing works.
Things really hit deep when you wake up or about to sleep, you realize, that person won't be around anymore.
That fact give me a very weird sensation in my mind and body. Sometimes it makes me sick.
But as time goes by, I realize, the only thing that I can do is accepting that this hollow feeling will always be here with me. And that's okay.
The acceptance process is not easy.
But it gets better every day.
Sometimes a certain memory hit me due to various reasons, and you will start missing that person again.
The acceptance process is kind of get back to point 0.
Idk if it's because it's a mom-son bond that makes me feel this way.
But I realize from this experience that, human, by nature, they're deeply interconnected by something to someone else that they love.
Once the connection is severed, seems like our existence is doing their best to reconnect again.