I'm sarcastic and Northern.
Joined July 2013
- Tweets 125,296
- Following 635
- Followers 22,359
- Likes 63,861
11,166 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
14 May 2021
Chloe 18... Mum, did lads used to send you dick pics when you were a teenager?
Me... Oh yeah, loads. They used to take a pic of their bits, nip down Boots, wait a week for it to be developed, catch the bus back to pick it up then fetch it to the Youthy on a Friday to show me.
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24 Dec 2025
Merry Xmas you filthy animals.
Time for some gin and Home Alone.
Gone are the days of wrapping at midnight and prodding a turkey every 5 minutes to see if it has defrosted đź‘Ť
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24 Dec 2025
2025 Round up …
lost 3 and a half stone
Gained a promotion
House remains full of adult children and dogs
3 holidays taken and two booked.
Shower tray remains broken because Jet 2 keep sending me more offers than B&Q.
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24 Dec 2025
Right go on, piss off and have a bloody amazing Christmas.
PS… the alcohol photo is reused from last year because this years is all still in bags. The double fridge died 4 years ago. Yes there is a large Lurpak. The turkey is currently under construction.
#TwinksXmasFridge
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24 Dec 2025
Upsated alcohol photo now I have finished going to 15 supermarkets and farm shops.
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15 Dec 2025
Stay tuned for #XmasFridge this time next week… You didn’t think I would let you down, did you?
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22 Aug 2025
We fly on sunday morning. Ellie has not packed. She has however chosen to leave an opened suitcase on the landing for the last three days and throw things in its general direction every now and again.
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22 Aug 2025
I have clothes all over the bed and the landing and my motivation has suddenly disappeared and I am sitting in the middle of it wearing some sunglasses a bikini top and pyjama bottoms.
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10 Aug 2025
While I have been away I have slid in to my old lady core and spend literal hours gardening.
Wandering around just checking plants. At least they can’t ask me for money or a lift, every cloud and that
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10 Aug 2025
Sorts me right out does this. I am still crackers, but my brain now only has 7 tabs open rather than 15 đź‘Ś
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9 Aug 2025
When we go on holiday, we are taking Ellie, her best mate and also her parents who are our friends.
Ellie and her mate are almost 18.
My anxiety is already making my eye twitch.
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9 Aug 2025
Running a Vinted empire is hard work, isn’t it?
Been a proper slog this week earning *checks notes* … £23
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9 Aug 2025
Anyway, how is everyone? I suspect there are about 3 of you left in this horrific bin fire
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9 Aug 2025
Nothing to report here, twins just finished year 1 midwifery, Ellie works 2 jobs and is starting health and social care, Son still doing something to do with chemicals that I don’t really understand but just nod and smile, we are off on holiday next week, and I am still a knob
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9 Aug 2025
My Mounjaro delivery was three days late, I have just opened that box like a smack head who has sold a PS4 and secured a deal.
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18 Apr 2025
Is there anyone left in here? I forgot to log on since Christmas.
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28 Dec 2024
One hour to put together bag one of Lego Hogwarts Castle. I shall post the completed project from my Nursing home
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