No one asked for it, but here it is anyway… Chuck’s Premier League Preview! FOLKS! Premier League weekend is HERE and my brain is NOT ready but we move. Here’s your highly professional, barely accurate preview. We start with Manchester United vs Spurs. One team is a chaos factory, the other is Spurs. This could finish 0-0 or 5-5 and I’d believe both. Someone’s season “project” dies today, GUARANTEED. 3pm madness: Arsenal vs Sunderland – Arsenal will try to win 1-0 while explaining “field tilt” on a spreadsheet. Sunderland will attempt pure sh*thousery. Elite clash of nerds vs sickos. Bournemouth vs Aston Villa – This feels like a match that ends 3-2 and I forget who won by Monday. Book it. Burnley vs West Ham – Relegation energy versus “should be better than this” energy. Grass may be the real winner. Fulham vs Everton – If this was food, it’d be plain pasta. Important, but nobody’s excited. Wolves vs Chelsea – Chelsea will have 74% possession, 19 shots, one goal, and 400 thinkpieces. Wolves will just vibe. Evening: Newcastle vs Brentford. Either Newcastle destroy them and declare themselves “back” or lose and release a 12-tweet injury thread. No in-between. Sunday: Brighton vs Crystal Palace, hipsters vs haters. Then Liverpool vs Man City, which is football’s Avengers movie. Goals, drama, meltdowns, my head exploding. I understand none of it, but I’ll be yelling anyway. #PremierLeague #EPL #MUFC #THFC #AFC #SAFC #AVFC #AFCB #BURWHU #FFC #EFC #WWFC #CFC #NUFC #Brentford #BHAFC #CPFC #LFC #MCFC #Football #Soccer #WeekendVibes

We’re seeing our UK friends complaining about @ITVSport showing in-game ads during the @SixNationsRugby. We’ve had them for years, and we’re fine, honest… #SixNationsRugby

Come on @ITVSport. In-game ads are the start of a very American slippery slope. It starts with ads during the rugby, it ends with kids taking guns to school. Don’t be responsible for that. #SixNationsRugby #SixNations2026

No, @ITVSport. The in-game @SixNationsRugby ads are AWFUL. I thought the agreement was that the ads were silent and the commentary continued?!?

I believe the composition technique being used here is called the ‘rule of turds’.

And suddenly @ManUtd care about the #FACup again… karma’s a bitch.

Absolute headloss 😂😂😂

Renowned patriot and grifter @antmiddleton just cheering on a foreign leader attempting to siphon off $1b of taxpayer money.

Is this a @BrassEyeNews sketch?

Is it just me, or does the first verse of The Life Of A Showgirl by @taylorswift13 sound a whole lot like @frankturner’s phrasing?

Feel bad for the chap behind me on the train. He went to see @CalvinHarris but he was “fucking sick”. Dreadful luck. Get well soon Calvin.

Someone needs to tell @taylorswift13’s fans that one copy of an album is quite enough, and that they’re probably in a cult at this point. Fun album though.

The standard of teaching of spelling and grammar at the University Of Life leaves a lot to be desired. I’d love to see the @Ofstednews report.

The sleeping lion has awoken… and it’s bought some flags from @shoptemu. #raisethecolours

I wonder what the Right will make up today to get upset about?

Pubs aren’t closing because of beer prices, covid, war, or healthier living, They’re closing because we’re running out of ex-footballers to run them.

“They’ve got Alexander #Isak’s transfer request, They’ve got Alexander Isak’s transfer request, They’ve got Alexander Isak’s transfer request… #Newcastle’s a massive club… are they f***!”

I’ve a huge amount of time for @ChiOnwurah, but the voting record from this evening will show her on the wrong side of history. At least @KateOsborneMP had the good grace to abstain - thank you.

The current railing against pro-Palestinian (NOT pro-Hamas!) musicians shows it is working. Sam Fender is the latest to get it in the neck. He’s been singing this line for years and no-one batted an eyelid. “Kids in Gaza are bombed and I'm just out of it”

That’s *Councillor* Crafty Wank to you… fucks sake Durham.