funny tweets for you ungrateful punks
Joined July 2016
- Tweets 40
- Following 70
- Followers 4
- Likes 20
1 Photos and videos
31 Dec 2016
J. Jonah Jameson: PARKER!! Get me photos of Spider-Man!
Parker Posey: How did you get this number?
JJJ: That web-head is a menace!
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9 Dec 2016
The hardest part of climbing the Astro-Crag was encountering the frozen remains of those who didn't survive the journey.
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7 Dec 2016
Enter men's room, see guy who just flushed urinal, but now urinal is overflowing. water everywhere. Then say, "urinal lotta trouble, mister"
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3 Dec 2016
That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Eating my roast pigeon
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3 Dec 2016
Does The Sandlot take place in the same universe as Frank Herbert's Dune?
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3 Dec 2016
Hi, I'm @kairyssdal and it's time to do the numbers (music starts). I ate seven apples today.
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26 Nov 2016
General: mr. president, this could mean war. the stakes are enormous.
Trump: mine are bigger.
General: ?
Trump: buy them at sharper image.
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22 Nov 2016
One day, you're gonna find out how the hell they made that green ketchup #TuesdayMotivation
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22 Nov 2016
One day, you will save enough from those Bojangle's paychecks and you're gonna buy your kids back from that bridge troll #TuesdayMotivation
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22 Nov 2016
No better way to start my day then with #morningjoe and a whiffle ball bat to the head. 😎
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22 Nov 2016
When my time comes, I hope I die from natural causes. Like getting eaten by a moose. 🦄 (there is no moose emoji)
#TuesdayMotivation
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22 Nov 2016
#Gotham ??? I've GOT more HAM than I know what to do with! 🐷🐷🐷 lolololololol
but also the Joker murdered my family with a hatchet.
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22 Nov 2016
#AsSoonAsIRunThings robots will take care of vile husbandly duties, leaving me all the time I need to cross-stitch! 🤗
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22 Nov 2016
Whoever came up with those buttery-ass popcorn-flavored jelly beans should be put to death. 😤 #AsSoonAsIRunThings
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