Hear me out.
Have you tried breaking this guys jaw in multiple places when he appears?
Typically it sends the “leave me the f*** alone” message better than quietly being anxious about it.
Your father’s funeral should’ve been the day it happened.
When I was 15, I met a guy online who was older, in his 20's. He was weird, made me uncomfortable and I decided not to hook up with him again.
He had a different experience and the next day showed up outside my house in his truck waiting for me. My dad had to threaten him. I couldn't tell him why he was there.
Then he followed me around every so often in his truck when I rode my bike. He messaged me constantly. I blocked him and he changed his screename. I deleted my account, he found the new one. His truck would be sitting in the parking lot at my school.
Throughout my 20's, he was a constant threat in the background. He would disappear for a year or two, then I'd get a random IM on yahoo, 'Hey gorgeous...' I'd realize instantly. He'd show up at my work acting like my boyfriend.
He tried disguising himself with someone else's photo until he got me talking and then reveal himself hoping I'd see his devotion and love him.
I'd get a text, 'Hey gorgeous...' I'd get a new phone... 'Hey gorgeous...'
He'd be on every dating site, then dating app. Always anonymous until he revealed himself again.
Every interaction I told him no. I used to tell him sweet things to avoid his anger. Then I told him directly how I felt. I even tried being cruel and frank to show I had no interest.
He'd disappear.
Then 'Hey gorgeous...'
By the time I met Jacob, I'd walled myself in to only people I knew. I'd adapted everything around safety, always with a thought of avoiding him.
I told people as I got older and they witnessed my face turn white when he found me again, or saw me suddenly stop and leave a store or the park. 'Call the police.'
The police said they needed his name, address, and evidence he was threatening me. He never told me his real name. It changed. Where he lived changed. He was 45 minutes away, then down the street, then in another state.
People told me I was being paranoid. I was overreacting. He had a crush on me. Maybe I should give him a chance. 'It's just online... it's not real.'
Every so often a friend would describe him casually, 'oh I talked to this guy who said he knew you. Was asking about you...'
He attended my father's funeral. He stared in the corner, waited until I was surrounded by people to approach me with that same big dumb smile and said, 'I'm always here for you.' I was standing next to my grandmother.
No one - no one - took it seriously.
I began to question myself. Maybe I was being paranoid. Maybe I had overreacted. He never physically hurt me. He never did anything but say hello and ask for another date.
Just a few months ago, I was cleaning up my emails, passwords etc and realized I still had a few dating site profiles out there. I signed into one to delete it. Within minutes... minutes... 'Hey gorgeous!!'
I've carried this anxiety around, quietly, shamefully, for 28 years.
You don't understand how these impossible experiences feel until you're trapped in one. Speaking out is giving them power and validation. Most people live it quietly, like I did.
Imagine how brave you have to be to speak to the NYT about the most protected, supported Democratic candidate in the country right now.