simon (like the chipmunk) 🏳️⚧️🇮🇪 25. he/it.
Joined January 2016
- Tweets 14,094
- Following 341
- Followers 455
- Likes 63,684
1,845 Photos and videos
had a fantastic time watching the oscars tonight. realised the idea of seeing the resulting fallout on twitter was about to give me an ulcer. never posting again. i love you all
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4 Nov 2025
the kind of shit willy wonka's dad was doing to him in the tim burton movie
1 Nov 2025
The way to win the Halloween candy war without upsetting the children is to make it into a fun tactile experience. All crushed and gone, everyone is happy, and not one piece ingested, mauahhahahhaahha.
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26 Oct 2025
i've really been getting the twitter/tumblr postsharing balance wrong these past couple months. all the good shit goes straight to my tumblr, with the remaining crumbs sending my twitter dangling perilously over Coworker Crevasse
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26 Oct 2025
i got posts about sex topology. i got posts about suibaiting tiktok commenters. i got posts about the fucking insane stories my ma tells me like they're nothing. i'm actively avoiding numbers. i'm leaving numbers on the table here
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25 Oct 2025
"bored at work" is the same mental state as "three pints deep" for me vis a vis other people's instagram stories
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25 Oct 2025
the one funny part about when i used to work at maccies is how the old beardy busker that sits outside the overgate has, for some reason, got the sound of silence on his rotation. and always sings it at the same time of day. 6:45pm. the EXACT time i would walk into work every day
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24 Oct 2025
saw frankenstein opening night in edinburgh. packed house. maybe 1/3 of the audience were very obviously people who had worked on the movie who stood up during the end credits and went "WOOO:D" every time they saw a crew name they recognised. cutest thing i've maybe ever seen
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18 Oct 2025
do you find something wisible about the name mingus weedus
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15 Oct 2025
something about growing a beard nobody tells you about is how every time you see someone who hasn't seen you since before the beard they WILL be touching that thing. it's like having a new puppy on your face at all times
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11 Oct 2025
i'm a pretty portly guy, and i'll tell you what did it; free mocha refills. every day i down about fifteen of the bastards. barely have any food at all in comparison. i'm sure millions of others around the uk will have experienced the exact same thing
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11 Oct 2025
saw a tweet earlier describing a celebrity as a "scorpio moon-ass bitch" and i think if you know enough about a celebrity to know their moon sign you should be forcibly detoxed from screens for 30 days
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little poof wizard retweeted
9 Oct 2025
labubus should be legal tender
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2,897
9 Oct 2025
as much as it pains me to say this,
i know i will be taking the bait
9 Oct 2025
‘THE SIMPSONS MOVIE 2’ and ‘MINECRAFT 2’ will both release on the same day
July 23, 2027.
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8 Oct 2025
watching OBAA and shaking my head every time benicio del toro is shown drunk driving so people know i don't condone it but i keep laughing and it's starting to send mixed signals
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