To Ms Rachel Reeves, Chancellor of the Exchequer
Dear Madam Chancellor,
As a UK taxpayer, I feel it’s only fair I get a proper say in where my hard-earned cash ends up — seeing as it leaves my pocket faster than a politician running from a tough question. So here’s my official spending instruction:
✅ First priority: The Armed Forces and their kit. Let’s give them proper equipment, not whatever’s left over after every other department has helped itself. No more sending our troops out with gear older than my first car!
✅ Schools & Universities: No ideological nonsense. Teach reading, writing, arithmetic, history and how to think — not what to think. Let’s turn our classrooms into places of learning, not debating societies for every passing fashion.
✅ New National Police Force. Train them properly, give them the tools they need, and once they’re ready? You can scrap the current setup that seems better at issuing parking fines than catching criminals.
❌ ZERO money for DEI. Not a penny, not a halfpenny, not even a stray coin down the back of the Treasury sofa. If it’s labelled DEI, it’s off the menu.
And finally — send me a monthly receipt. I want it itemised, clear, and honest. No lines saying “miscellaneous” or “consultancy fees”. I want to see exactly where every pound, shilling and modern penny goes — and if there’s a mistake, I reserve the right to ask for a refund like I do when my takeaway arrives cold.
In short: stop spending my money on what feels like dismantling the country, and start spending it on making the UK great again.
Yours in hopeful amusement,
A Taxpayer Who Keeps Receipts